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Post by chronoeclipse on May 16, 2020 16:32:51 GMT -6
🤬GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, JESUS CHRIST ON A SALTY ASS CRACKER! 🤔Shit, what now, Nathan?! 🤬Pizza Hut, Sherman, Fucking Butt Pizza Hut! 🍕 🤔... Yeah? 🤬MOTHER FUCKING TITTY FUCK PIZZA HUT! 🤔Is there something wrong about Pizza Hut? 🤬You bet your Dad's Fat Ass there's a problem! Since when did they sell a Granny Gaga Meatlover's Special?! 🤔... I don't know, uh... on and off for like six years now? 🤬Six Years?! 🤔Yeah, it's a good pizza, dude. Meatball, Bacon, Ham, Breaded Parmesan Chicken, and ribeye steak. You'll go GaGa Ooh La La over this monster of a dish! 🤬The fuck you talking about, Sherman? Fuck, Are you part of this?! 🤔What? 🤬Are you part of this God Damn Conspiracy that turned Lady Gaga into a 85 Year old Italian-American Grandma?! 🍕The Granny Gaga Meatlover's Special. You won't call it a bad romance! 🤬Somebody, anyone, get me out of this Fucking Ad! This is Hell! This is a God Damn Hell! 🎶Yum, Yum, Ooh La La, Granny Gaga Pizza Dance!🎶 True story - there was a sushi place by where I used to live that has a special roll called 'The Gaga Monster roll' with a note under the description that this used to be called 'The Madonna Virgin Roll' and that they would still make the Madonna roll for customers who requested it but would just swap out the fresh fish for old tuna... |
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Post by kappa on May 16, 2020 16:37:42 GMT -6
Everything about that is wonderful. It makes me love North America, Chrono. They gave us The California Roll and now a fun little gag about Madonna. ❤️
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Post by kappa on May 16, 2020 17:08:14 GMT -6
😱... Put the gun down, Nathan, it's not worth it! PUT THE GUN DOWN!
☠️Fuck you, Sherman, I'm tired of this bullshit!
😱 Nathan, whatever is freaking you out, it's not worth a bullet to the head!
☠️ Margot Robbie is the spokeswoman for Outback Steakhouse, Sherman! Margot Robbie! It went too far this time! How could they make her 69, Sherman?! I was hoping for a Birds of Prey II!
😱 Why would Margot Robbie be in a sequel to Birds of Prey? She was the love interest in the Crocodile Dundee Franchise.
☠️I'm gonna do it! That's it! That's the final straw, Sherman!
😱Nathan, no!
☠️ I don't want to live in a world without Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, Sherman!
😱 I mean, her Outback Steakhouse Commercials are pretty fun.
😡 What... what happened to my gun?
🤔The Aussie Friday Special Commercial where she shows up inside the pouch of a kangaroo, dressed pretty sexy for 69, in a black and red checkered bikini top with daisy duke shorts and two cans of Foster Oil Cans.
🤬Why the fuck am I holding coupons now?!
🤔Maybe because, for a limited time only, you can get 2 for $10 and a free bloomin' onion with Margot Robbie Spicy Béchamel Sauce in the middle?!
🤬 I will find a way out this, Sherman, you fucking bastard!
🦘Outback Steakhouse, hop on in, loves!
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niddlyby43
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Age before beauty.
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Post by niddlyby43 on May 16, 2020 18:55:19 GMT -6
Avon Continued - Depends on the Model.
A zoom in on a moderately older woman in her mid 40s, sitting at a restaurant with her youngerish husband. "Having to wear these thicker pads is a nuisance....that's why Avon's got me back," she says. Wearing a tank top showing off some impressive arms with a hint of sag and some sweats that hugged her curvaceous body leaving not much to one's imagination. Cellulite barely gracing her lower body, though if one were to look at her nude, sprinkles of age spots were beginning to form.
"We at Avon pride ourselves in developing products that tend to the needs of our elderly customers," the Voice states. "Wait.....elderly? I'm barely......45....." her hands crinkle upon her viewing them with heavy age spots popping up. "Hey now this isn't funny...." she states while her previous firm looking arms atrophy showcasing some moderate bingo wings. Her slightly grey mane becomes peppered with more grey and some whites. Her rather alluring dear-air became quite lumpy in appearance, as if gaining many pounds. The small amount of crow's that had been upon her face before grew in size, though she was still quite lovely for a 71 year old. Having gone bra-less this morning (due to some prime genetics on her part) her girls were working their way down her chest, freckles littering her cleavage area like snow. Abs and moderate slack gave way to a healthy pouch, wrinkled and shown for all to see. "I'm supposed to be a MILF not a damn GILF!!!" she exclaims.
"Our incontinence products are quite absorbent but unfortunately, due to some peoples....particularities they can be quite thick," the Voice states.
"Wait a damn minute, I was only having....a bit...of leakage..." she stammers as she feels a rather thick Depend upon her ass. Poking it quite vigorously, she looks in despair at the lining indicator goes from blank to yellow. "Ya'll have turned me into a pissing old granny, you blasted F***s!!" she yells. Though despite her rage, the diaper does a great job at keeping her weak bladders contents at bay.
"We also have multipackages for our more.....demanding customers," the Voice states. "Don't you F***ing tell me..." she trails as she feels a faint sensation of her bowels and their movement. Her weak legs strain her efforts to make it to the bathroom like a youngish MILF should be able to do, but four steps into her pathetic journey and she feels a wet bowel movement make its way into the seat of her ancient ass cheeks. Blushing amid the entire ordeal, "This type that our now elderly client is wearing can handle both ancient bladders and bowels." The Voice states.
"Could you egregious c***s at least help me get changed? I can't finagle these confounded tabs.." she stammers as her weak fingers would clumsily dealing with well used diaper. In her vein efforts she manages to abruptly sit back down, making a true mess upon herself, "Dammit y'all made me a nursing home patient...." she states.
"Avon, providing products for our NEW elderly customers." The Voice states.
"Oh suck my flabby wrinkled a** Avon...." she yells.
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Post by kappa on May 16, 2020 19:38:30 GMT -6
💋Hey there, are you a naughty fella or gal that likes stroking your beef stick or rubbing your spicy taco to some good, ole AP?
The camera pans to a blushing young man avoiding eye contact, scratching the back of his neck, and a nervous young woman twirling a blonde lock of hair and biting her lower lip.
💋Well, at The Chrono House of Fancy, you get just that, sweetheartsl
The camera pans to a brothel with a big clock built in the center. Ticking softly. Loudly when hits an hour.
💋We've got loads of sexy, young women you can splooge on. Wanna 25 year old blonde turned into a 95 year old senior? Sure! Wanna suckle the saggy, milk swollen tits of an 18 year old Girl? Go right ahead! At Chrono House we cater to any and every Age Progressioj Related Need. From physical, to mental, from full to partial, we even do role play scenarios! Like, Entitled Karen, Horny Housewife, Sexy Grandma, Senile Knitter, And Aged Bimbo. You name it, we'll do it!
The camera pans to a large variety of women. Senior Citizens, Milfs, Cougars, young women, young women with age body parts, and anything else that catches your AP Fancy.
💋So stop on by to Chrono House, I'm we'll make you really happy! 😘
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niddlyby43
Elder Member
Age before beauty.
Posts: 416
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Post by niddlyby43 on May 16, 2020 19:53:29 GMT -6
💋Hey there, are you a naughty fella or gal that likes stroking your beef stick or rubbing your spicy taco to some good, ole AP? The camera pans to a blushing young man avoiding eye contact, scratching the back of his neck, and a nervous young woman twirling a blonde lock of hair and biting her lower lip. 💋Well, at The Chrono House of Fancy, you get just that, sweetheartsl The camera pans to a brothel with a big clock built in the center. Ticking softly. Loudly when hits an hour. 💋We've got loads of sexy, young women you can splooge on. Wanna 25 year old blonde turned into a 95 year old senior? Sure! Wanna suckle the saggy, milk swollen tits of an 18 year old Girl? Go right ahead! At Chrono House we cater to any and every Age Progressioj Related Need. From physical, to mental, from full to partial, we even do role play scenarios! Like, Entitled Karen, Horny Housewife, Sexy Grandma, Senile Knitter, And Aged Bimbo. You name it, we'll do it! The camera pans to a large variety of women. Senior Citizens, Milfs, Cougars, young women, young women with age body parts, and anything else that catches your AP Fancy. 💋So stop on by to Chrono House, I'm we'll make you really happy! 😘 " Welcome to Chrono House of Fancy, How might we be of service today?" The attendant questions. Standing in front we're a couple in their mid 20s, wearing rather tight clothing; the man having on slim gym pants and shirt while his pervy girlfriend wearing a loose dress that hugged her frame in a few....wonderful places. " We we're wanting the Elderly Orgasm package plus....viagra...." The boyfriend states. " Yeah I want to have some saggy balls in my face tonight please," the girlfriend retorts. " That particular package is quite popular due to the recent commercial; no singular aged body parts? Maybe keep the libido of your younger days while you fuck?" the attendant inquires. " Oh that would make the viagra not a problem then....oh could we make the process slow and Me have some swollen milky tits till I'm....maybe 50?" the girlfriend requests. " Yeah I kinda want to be a more shriveled grandfather type; no Santa Claus this time." The boyfriend states. " So our Elderly Package with youthful libido.....dentures or no?" The attendant asks again. " I do want a gumjob later....what do you think babe," the boyfriend asks. " Yeah some gums on my wrinkled nipples would fantastic; let's do the dentures hun," the girlfriend states. " Excellent; Elderly Package with Denture and youthful Libido coming right up. Oh by the way, we're having a mixed orgy tonight as well; do you wish for some isolated body parts then?" The Attendant questions. " Babe being my usual self with wrinkled tits would be pretty fun, right?" The girlfriend asks. " Oh that and me having the muscle strength of an 90 year old; that would be awesome." The boyfriend states. " Wonderful; slow process and ancient strength and tits later on....Welcome to Chrono House of Fancy." The Attendant exclaims. Now a Chrono House interactive would be excellent; varies methods for aging.....and scenarios.....I'm salivating. Shit my bad kinda not a commercial. |
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Post by kappa on May 16, 2020 20:13:25 GMT -6
It was kinda like a front desk tutorial, which is a commercial. Kinda. It's more like something you watch at in your hotel room, but I'm pretty sure that counts as a commercial. 👍❤️
Also, on paper, yeah, it would be a fun interactive... but they don't seem to pan out that well, ya know? Right now, me, you, and chronoeclipse are doing this commercial thing. Let's be realistic, 3 people is often a big number here.
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Post by kappa on May 16, 2020 20:26:21 GMT -6
👨🏻🦰So, what are you wearing?
👄 What do you what me to wear?
👨🏻🦰 I was thinking maybe a tight pair of black stretchy yoga pants, a grey sweatshirt... ooohh, how about from your alma mater?
👄Sure, baby, it's from Stanford. When did I graduate?
👨🏻🦰 1995?
👄Fun! So how old am I?
👨🏻🦰 46.
👄 Alright. Do I have kids?
👨🏻🦰 3.
👄 Oooh, am I a sexy mommy?!
👨🏻🦰You sure are, babe. Your hips are wide and your ass is almost as plump as your lips!
🗣Wanna Online Chat with aging hotties? Sign Up on Tick Tock Feed now and get your wildest fantasy turned into reality! Tick Tock
Feed, a magical experience in your pants!
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niddlyby43
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Age before beauty.
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Post by niddlyby43 on May 16, 2020 22:35:52 GMT -6
A Senior Can Opener
A very strong and muscular woman wearing a form fitting leotard is having some trouble opening this large jar of pickles, “Even with my phenomenal muscle strength and definition, this can a beast to open,” she states looking into the camera of this well lit kitchen.
“Say no more our soon to be frail lady, Ted’s Machine Shop happens to have Can/Jar Openers for our elderly and pathetically weak customers,” The Narrator states.
Looking confused by the “elderly” statement of the Narrator, our strong woman continues to efforts to remove the lid of this rather stuck on jar, through this struggle she notices her leotard riding up on her muscular ass cheeks. “Hold on a second.....just need to readjust....my suit...” she says trailing off with the sickening realization of her body’s condition; her strong muscular ass cheek has swelled to twice its usual size, with a myriad of cellulite along her form. As she continues to rip that god forsaken jar off, her muscular arms begin to shrink in size, from 18 inch pythons of her usual size dwindling down to a mere 9 inches leaving a severe amount of hanging skin: new bingo wings for her pleasure. “I can’t seem....to get...a...proper grip?....” she questions at her arm and its growing frailty.
”Oh don’t worry, our new jar opener is automatic making it easy for out decrepit and weak customers to open even the most trying of can/or jars,” the Narrator states.
”Wait......I’m barely 29....and.....and......dear HR Christ on a cracker!....” she exclaims as her formerly hard and muscular body inflates from some age related weight gain, more so on her thighs and stomach. This gain is meet with a severe case of fat atrophy and muscle wasting; what had been a nicely put together bun was now a stringy mess of white bright hair, wrinkles and time accumulating on her once dashing face. Still struggling with the now extremely heavy jar, her weak but still somewhat strong arms continued to dwindling and shrivel, leaving the former lifter with skin hanging off bone. “This can’t possibly be....real....” she states as the small amount of shakiness that had started a few moments ago in her legs grows into a wobble that showcased the shrinking of essential voluntary muscles of her once proud legs. What had been massive well tone thighs are now knobby knees and fleshy hanging thigh meat that has little to no muscle left at all, causing the poor weakened and aged lifter to have heavy labored breathing standing let alone holding the now massive and weighty jar. “Please....someone help me....with....ridiculously heavy jar....”
”Oh don’t worry, our Jar/Can Opener is made for those elderly truly effected by severe age related muscle wasting to make the entire process quick and easy,” the Narrator says.
Letting the hefty jar go on the ground, remaining standing was proving to be a marathon for our now weakened and decrepit lifter. “I shouldn’t even need...help opening that punka** jar.....I’m so....strong...” she stammers trying to making a bicep only to barely lift the hanging flesh of her once proud arm. “Please someone.....before....I fall.....too....weak....to stand up.....” she yells collapsing on the floor. Struggling to regain her previous footing, she labored and flails about trying in vein to stand. “I can’t...lift...my body.....what....did...you do to me?.....” she whispers with effort creaking all the while trying to stand.
”Well, our products are made with elderly and weak folks like you in mind dear lady, barely having the strength to stand let alone open a jar is why we are here,” the Narrator retorts.
Somehow getting on her knobby knees, she manages to regain some mild footing only to strain her decrepit body enough to release an unintended fart, “F*** me did I just do....that...” she says as she collapses again on the ground too weak to stand much longer.
”By the way, our partners at Avon have wonderful incontinence products just for someone like you.” The Narrator states.
Shakily waving her frail arms jiggling the hanging flesh of said arm, “Screw you Ted’s Machine Shop.....” she yells.
”Pardon, we couldn’t quite make that out you seem to pissing the floor again,” the Narrator says.
The decrepit old crone was now sitting in a puddle of urine, much to her dismay. “You bastards made me into a.....pathetic.....stick granny.....” she whispers.
”That we did, hopefully you can now truly enjoy our age related products,” the Narrator says 😉.
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Post by kappa on May 17, 2020 1:05:32 GMT -6
👻Are you an Old Soul looking for that special dance partner? The one you simply miss dancing with.
"... Maybe?" A Young Woman shrugs her shoulders.
"Well, at Soulmatch, we find that special person you've been looking ages for!
👵🏼I was plum worried when Soulmatch aged me 60 years, but I can't deny it, being with Betty means the world to me.
👻Call now and we'll throw in generational transition for free. That way you can mentally relate with your soul mate, in the off chance they're much, much older than you. Disclaimer: Soulmatch cannot do age regression.
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Post by kappa on May 17, 2020 9:24:49 GMT -6
💷Need extra cash for a Nintendo Switch?
"I don't know." A Young Redhead shrugs.
💷Of course you do! How are you not playing Animal Crossing?! You realize 80 years olds can play that game and enjoy it, right?!
"I guess. I just don't really have the money for a Switch."
💷No worries, for the low, low price of a little bit of your youth, you can be playing Pokémon or Mario Cart, or Hobo Hank's Sloppy Joe Adventures!
"...I don't think the last one is an actual game."
💷Hey, do you want the money for a switch or not? Just let me drain a few years and shut the hell up!
💀Drainer, cash in your youth for stupid, fucking things!
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niddlyby43
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Age before beauty.
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Post by niddlyby43 on May 17, 2020 9:38:54 GMT -6
Avon's Stretch-mark Lotion LineStanding in front a full length mirror, a young blonde wearing nothing but a bra and panties stands. " I've managed to lose some weight but these stretch marks are so damn stubborn." She says as the camera pans to a series of bottle lined up. " Right you are, stretch marks from multiple pregnancies can do a number on a woman's skin," the Narrator retorts. Looking confused due to hearing multiple pregnancies, " Wait it was just some weight loss...." an eerie sensation begins all over her body; skin sloshing and moving. Her pristine hair becomes quite frizzy, losing its sheen. Her youthful hands and feet begin to show slight wrinkles and veins, even her cleavage gets a number of freckles all along them. Mild crow's feet begin to settle upon her face, with notable strained skin along her neck. Her body settles around 47, having gained some pounds in her lower body by quite a lot; cellulite running rampant. " What the hell I look like a damn soccer mom?!" She yells. " Motherhood can be quite rewarding, though it does have it's costs on ones body; Pregnancy related stretch marks can be quite the hassle to remove..." the Narrator states. As the voice mentions this, our formerly young blonde begins to feel some distention in her stomach; due to the adding of years, she had gained quite the belly though that gain was more in line with simply aging. It started to grow and grow only to deflate, hanging pathetically over the seam of her pantie line. " One pregnancy can be rough let alone four or five...." the Narrator trailed. " Hell I haven't even....had....a child...." her memories were quickly overtaken with changing diapers and late nights staying up, all the while her stomach repeating the nauseating cycle over and over again. Deflated, excessively wrinkled skin piled on and on to her formerly youthful and taunt stomach. Ending with her having a massive hanging belly from repeated pregnancies; though this wasn't the only after effect. Her modest B breasts had swollen to DD, with darkened nipples through repeat feedings. With the repeated cycles of pregnancies her somewhat pert MILF tits began a sad slope downward, milk ever so leaking. " Jesus christ I'm leaking like a damn cow!!!" She yells. " The lotion works wonders on ruined breasts due to feeding as well." The Narrator retorts. " Oh dear god...." she stammers as she hears a snapping noise of her once dry and fitting bra. Her breasts had gone through a wild metamorphosis, growing and deflating much like her stomach. Leaving distended nipples, dark and swollen with leaking milk and stretched skin marred with wrinkles. " I look like an overused Mom you freaking jerks...." " We also have a combo pack for our deflated stomach and tits stretch marks as well...." The Narrator mentions. Hefting up her now milking sagging tits in dismay much to the difficulty of the censor bar team, " You better at least give a damn bra to contain these.......deflated a** balloons...." an audible slapping sound could be heard reverberating throughout the room. Lifting the wrinkled sack that was now her stomach as well, " The milk and sag is bad enough on my tits let alone my stomach too...." she whimpers. " For you my dear we also have nursing bras large enough for your sagging ladies and form fitting girdles for that pesky deflated stomach." The Narrator mentions. " You can suck this PTA Mom's saggy tits for all I care..." she exclaims moving away from the camera and sloshing about. The last view of her would be that cellulite ridden ass taking a full of the camera picture. " Call now and we also include our latest and greatest Denture cream set...." The Narrator mentions. I don't know how but I have a verse for Avon Related Aging products  .
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Post by kappa on May 17, 2020 10:04:14 GMT -6
👶🏻Hi, I'm Mister Mxyzptlk, host of the 250th Annual Time and Space Poker Tournament!
🎶Money, Money, Money, Money...🎶 The O'Jays sing 🎵Money!🎵
👶🏻This year, the contestants are...
Betty White
"This will be so much fun!" Betty claps happily.
Selena Gomez
"I'm being forced to play." Selena crosses her arms.
Wonder Woman
"You won't get away with this, imp!" Diana waves her fist in the air
Queen Victoria
"We are not amused." The Elderly, Plump Monarch in Black shrills poshly.
1980's Madonna
"Like, gag me with a spoon, what's with that ugly fairy?!"
Black Widow
"Where am I?"
And 2050's Cynthia Roe
"What's will at the dinosaurs?" Cynthia smirks.
Who will win the grand prize? Who will suffer for my amusement? Find out Tuesday at 7!
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Post by kappa on May 17, 2020 17:04:17 GMT -6
😑 I've finally come to terms with my existence, Sherman.
🤔You have?
😑I have, Sherman. I've accepted that my life is just a momentary advertisement that casually mentions aged celebrities. Like Alison Brie as the 65 year old Spokeswoman to Jersey Tours. Your best option to travel to Atlantic City for one magical weekend!
😘Glad you're finally on board, buddy!
😑Book a group of 10 or more and get a 150 dollar gambling credit, a free buffet, and a tote bag with Alison Brie's Face on it. You'll totes love it!
😘What if my group is less than 10, Nathan?
😑Then you've passed on an amazing opportunity, Sherman, you fucking idiot!
🚎Jersey Tours, Alison Brie's favorite means of travel when she wants to relax with the gals!
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niddlyby43
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Age before beauty.
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Post by niddlyby43 on May 18, 2020 6:21:59 GMT -6
Colgate Denture Cream - Avon Partnership
The camera pans close to a young college age woman (22) brushing some pearly whites, a small hum of a electric toothbrush can be heard. “Always a choir to brush your teeth in the morning...” she muses as a slight jiggle can be seen with her lady’s, with the ill fitting bra not helping the sloshing about.
😈 “How right you are, reapplying denture cream can be quite the hassle....” the Narrator mentions.
“Sweet Geriatric Christmas.....god please no....” she exclaims as a slight tingling sensation permeates her form.
😈 “We cannot begin to understand the trials of having to gum a juicy steak due to a proper grip from ones’ dentures....” the Narrator says.
Shutting off the electric scrubber that was her toothbrush, she feels the falling sensation of several teeth, “This isn’t coolsh...” she lisps as more and more teeth make their way into the sink. Gaining 55 years of age can do a number on your dental work (braces of yore seem like a wasted effort it seems..), new crow’s feet and wrinkles make home on her face while jowls become prominent as well. “You’ve done dish to other modelsh too...” she laments as she feels her over stuffed bra slosh about even more, with wrinkles and age spots littering her cleavage. All the while more and more of her teeth click and clang into the waiting sink.
The camera pans across from the increasingly frail looking woman to show various bottle of dentures creams. 😈 “We pride ourselves into making your toothless time much, much easier,” the Narrator states.
Though not shown, our formerly young woman feels the odd sensation of her ass gaining weight and shriveling downwards, the youthful panties struggling to contain the sagging pancake booty. “Jebus chrish....and I just boughtsh thish panties toosh....” she laments as her final teeth make their way into oblivion. Though with the last disappearance of her original teeth, a pair of oddly well fitting dentures appears on the counter with some nicely applied cream to boot. Her legs were getting quite knobby, with a shake becoming problematic for standing and such. A more peppering of age spots and varicose veins make their way all along her frail dimply ass and thighs. “Why did you have to....makesh me....this oldish.....” she muses.
😈 “As you can see our toothless, decrepit lady we were kind enough to even apply our new brand of cream; by the way it has a 8 hour grip...” the Narrator retorts.
With a bit of struggle due to the insistent lower back pain, she manages to use her skeletal like fingers to reach for her new dentures but not without a audible pop from her ancient hip. “Dammit my hip....you f***ing ninnies. I have hip problems now!!!” She angrily shouts, with sadly another cracking sound being heard, “Oh my blasted hip...”
😈 “Despite the protest of your ancient body, those dentures fit quite well, no?” The Narrator says.
A cane makes its appearance to the left of our now ancient woman. “I mean...sure...they fit....having a sagging ass in these new panties....that’s just mean...” she laments as she pokes her rather pancaked booty meat, jiggling with the slightest movements. “How the hell am I supposed work, when I can’t even see what’s in front of me?!!” She exclaims.
😈 “Well we do have a partnership with Elderly VisionCare as well...” The Narrator retorts.
“I hope all of you get aged yourselves....” she yells, causing one of her large sagging tits to make its way out of her small bra. The censor bar did a good job of covering her ashen brown nipples and shriveled, ancient skin. Looking rather embarrassed, she begins the arduous process of stuffing that wrinkled sack back in, “Y’all are cruel! I swear to god if I piss myself on my way home...” she exclaims.
😈 “Now we do....” the Narrator begins.
“Go suck a fat one you aging degenerates...” she counters as she shakily makes her way to the exit, only to make a rather juicy fart on her way out, “Gosh F***ing Darnit!!!.” She exclaims.
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