kappa
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Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 29, 2020 20:14:52 GMT -6
👽Hi, I'm an Altrusian, and I think mankind is inferior.
👱🏽Hi, I'm a Tabarian and I also think mankind is inferior.
🐸Hi, I'm a Rofank and I also think that.
🦑Wow, you guys are dicks.
👽Oh, so you don't think you're better than those filthy ape people?
🦑No, cause I'm not dick. Also, HUMANS ARE ADORABLE. Especially when they get old! There's this one old lady I adore, Anna Kendrick, and she is just the cutest grandma I've ever seen!
👽You're a weirdo.
🦑And you're a dick. And so is the frog guy and the blond.
👱🏽You're not very civil.
🦑Bitch, What Pitch Perfect 5 and either apologize for being a dick or shut up.
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kappa
Elder Member
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Post by kappa on Sept 30, 2020 15:09:14 GMT -6
It's time for THEN VS NOW!
(Then)
🧑🏻🦰Do you really want a tattoo of Pickle Rick on your ass?
👩🏻🦰Yes. More than anything.
🧑🏻🦰...
👩🏻🦰You're the only one who'll ever see it.
🧑🏻🦰Yeah, but...
👩🏻🦰Shush. It's Pickle Rick! Start inking my booty, Sweetie *wink*
(Now)
👨🏼🦳... Do we have to do this ever year?
An elderly woman wiggles her massive, wrinkled rear at her husband.
👵🏻Yep.
👨🏼🦳...
The man struggles to get up, taking off his sweats for a year tradition. Making his wife's ass tattoo extra salty.
👵🏻It's Pickle Riiiiick!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 30, 2020 15:17:34 GMT -6
Oh boy, it's time for yet another Then vs Now!
(Then)
👱🏼♀️My mom is sooo old fashioned! I'm 25, I am so not ready for marriage!
👩🏻🦱 I hear ya, sister. My mom keeps bringing up that when she was 22, she already had 3 kids!
👱🏼♀️Waaaaay too soon!
👩🏻🦱Right?! Old people!
(Now)
👵🏻Young people!
👩🏼🦳Right? You know my daughter is 50? 50! And she's still not married!
👵🏻Kids today, take my daughter, I told her, When I was 45, I ready had 2 teenagers!
👩🏼🦳Ridiculous. They're talking waaaay too long to settle down!
👵🏻Right?! I want grandkids!
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Post by animeagony on Sept 30, 2020 15:20:06 GMT -6
Why hasn’t anyone from now traveled to 2085 to rickroll themselves
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 30, 2020 15:22:28 GMT -6
Why hasn’t anyone from now traveled to 2085 to rickroll themselves Give me a minute. That's gold. 👍 |
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 30, 2020 15:27:10 GMT -6
Are you ready for another Then vs Now?!
(Then)
👩🏽I'm just not feeling the gym this week.
👱🏼Babe, that's two weeks in a row.
👩🏽So?
👱🏼So... you know... maybe you should think of canceling your membership?
👩🏽*Glares*
👱🏼....Alright, never mind!
(Now)
🧓🏼Hey, sugar bun.
A plump woman, in a pink apron, smiles while baking cookies.
👵🏽Hi, sweetie. Have the grandkids come yet?
🧓🏼No. But check this out.
The old man smirks, holding an old gym membership card.
The old woman blushes.
🧓🏼I wonder if your old workout gear is somewhere. Mind wearing it for old times sake?
The old woman shooed her husband off playfully, her sausage finger dipped into the cookie dough, delightfully enjoying the sugar confection.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 30, 2020 15:38:51 GMT -6
Why hasn’t anyone from now traveled to 2085 to rickroll themselves Give me a minute. That's gold. 👍 👩🏼🦳I want to thank everyone for coming today. Tim would've loved it. 👵🏽We're here for you, Angie. 👵🏼We love you and we loved Tim. 👴🏽He was a great guy. 👵🏻 A GREAT GUY... *Whispers* A little off, though. 👩🏼🦳Tim actually GoPro'ed our first date. I've never seen it, he said he wanted me to have it if we ever broke up or...*Sniff* 👵🏽That's very sweet, Angie. 👴🏽The man was such a romantic. 👵🏻... <"What's your angle, Tim?> 👩🏼🦳Mickey, play "For Angie" 🐭Hah Hah, can do! 🎥👨🏿🦲Hey, Angie, if you're watching this, we're about to go on our first date. I'm gonna tell you I'm recording it and that you can't see it until a special time... Tim takes off his pants, showing off his big garden snake. 👵🏻There we go! 🎥👨🏿🦲This is what you're missin, baby! He thrusts his dick as a music video takes focus away. 👩🏼🦳... 👵🏽... 👴🏽.... 👵🏻Angie, don't take this the wrong way, but if you dumped Tim, I probably would've jumped in! |
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 1, 2020 11:16:32 GMT -6
Yay!
It's time for another THEN VS NOW!
Yay!
(Then)
👱🏼♀️They're ripping off seniors.
👩🏼🦰Totes. That couldn't be more a gimmick!
👱🏼♀️And that name?! Awful!
👩🏼🦰If I see any old lady with a 60up, they're hypocrites if they complain about TikTok!
👱🏼♀️Right?!
(Now)
🧔🏻Excuse me, ladies, but have you heard about the new Techplans from Disney? For a low, low price of 1500 credits, you could get cybernetic leg and arm implants and the mobility of women a third of your age!
👵🏼... This couldn't sound more like Skynet
🧔🏻Whatnet?
👩🏼🦳We're good, and, go watch Terminator.
The man walks away, confused. He was sure it'd be a sell!
👵🏼Being a cyborg though...
👩🏼🦳Kelly.
👵🏼Yeah. No way that doesn't bite you in the butt!
The idk friends cackle, unaware they did dodge a huge bullet. Humans and sci-fi always end weirdly!
... Gramborgs. Think about that. Gramborgs! 🤣
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 1, 2020 17:09:13 GMT -6
Hi, you wanna watch a Lifetime Movie from 2085?
👩🏼🦱Nope.
What about Danica McKellar as the 110 year old matriarch of a small family owned beach shack in SoCal? It's called Fish Taco Madness.
👩🏼🦱... No.
How about Anna Kendrick as the 100 year old music teacher? Tempo Granny.
👩🏼🦱... No.
Zoey Deutch as a 90 year old yoga instructor?
👩🏼🦱90 Year old yoga instructor?
It's called Flexible.
👩🏼🦱And we're talking about a Lifetime Movie in 2085?
Yes.
👩🏼🦱Who green lit that?!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 1, 2020 17:53:09 GMT -6
It's time for yet another...
Then Vs Now
(Then)
A young couple on a twin sized mattress are watching YouTube on a laptop.
👩🏼🦰You think we'll be together in 5 years?
👱🏽... I dunno.
She didn't like that answer and slapped him in the crotch.
He yelps with a clench, realizing that was a stupid response much too late.
(Now)
On a king sized mattress, an elderly couple watch old YouTube videos on their Disney HoloCube.
👵🏼Would you change me for the world?
👨🏻🦳... Yes?
The old lady didn't like that answer and back hand slaps her husband in the crotch!
He grunts... not regretting his action. It's been months since she's touched him like that! 🤣
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 11, 2020 16:21:16 GMT -6
👵🏽If you are chilly, here, take my sweater.
👽If your head is aching, I'll make it better.
👵🏽'Cause I love the way you call me "baby".
👵🏽And you take me the way I am.
👽I've been around 500 generations of people. I'm gonna miss yours the most.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 18, 2020 22:08:16 GMT -6
Sharon Smith a 90 year old woman at Shady Hills Nursing Home.
The Following is her experiences with "The Apocalypse"
1999
👱🏻♀️The End is nigh! Y2K! Y2K!
👧🏻... Daddy?
👨🏻🦰Don't listen to Aunt Karen, sweetie. Everything is fine.
👱🏻♀️Just for that, you're not welcome in the Bunker Bod Todd and I built!
👨🏻🦰... Yeah, that's fine.
2006
👱🏻♀️The End is Nigh! June 6th, 2006! The Antichrist is coming!
👧🏻...Dad?
👨🏻🦰Don't listen to Aunt Karen, honey. It's just any other day, I promise.
👱🏻♀️Y'all need Jesus!
👨🏻🦰So, you don't want that loan for your pool, now?
2012
👩🏼🦳The world is gonna end soon! We're all gonna die!
👨🏻🦰...
👩🏻🦱I know, Dad. I know.
👩🏼🦳The government built a buncha spaceships, they're gonna colonize Mars!
👩🏻🦱... Cool.
👨🏻🦰Sharon!
👩🏻🦱What? That's actually a really cool thing she just said.
👨🏻🦰... I'll give her that.
2030
👵🏻It's the end of the world! The Sun is gonna go nova!
👦🏽... Grandpa? Mom?
👩🏻🦱It's fine, sweetie
👨🏼🦳Karen, STOP.
👵🏻The government's known since 1999 and they've been lying to us!
2085
👵🏻Aunt Karen died 5 years later. To this day, I can't watch an apocalypse movie without thinking of my Aunt summarizing the plot and panicking like chicken little.
👵🏻Weird as she was, she was fun to watch.
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Post by animeagony on Oct 29, 2020 11:44:33 GMT -6
Laying on her bed at the dark of night, Maria was fast asleep, as was Silver, whom was wrapped around her neck and deflated twigs that are her arms. Fortunately, Maria has a heated blanket on her bed so snakes could sleep with her, like other pets could. She enjoyed sleeping with her pets, who doesn’t?
She was practically nude, only wearing her depends, which were a little wet, which is beyond normal for a woman that is almost 2 centuries old. Her breasts were hanged from the sides of her, stretching out to about her wrists. Her ankle length, fragile white hair hung as usual.
She woke up, mumbling incomprehensible sentences as usual, even while laying in bed, her back was hunched as far as humanly possible. When her eyes opened, she saw that her normal, bland, single terrarium Nursing home room that she has been in ever since retiring, to what looked like a lab, complete with hundreds of terrariums, all with plenty of room for the snakes to stretch and explore. With labored breaths, she heaved herself over, seeing a desk, complete with a laptop and room for food.
On the same side of the bed, there was Silver, who was wrapped around a high-tech, almost futuristic, automated wheelchair, There was an oxygen tank strapped behind it. It looked like it could even recline. She then felt a muffled fart escape what used to be her butt.
As usual, she overexerted herself by moving a little, causing the fart to erupt into a squelch, her diaper doing an excellent job keeping her bowels at bay. Her dentures flew out of her mouth as she moaned from the pain in her body, mostly her hips and back. Another attempt. She made it to the wheelchair, only to feel her bladder practically detonated, causing pee to rush out from between what remains of her vaginal lips, her diaper keeping that from ruining the wheelchair.
Silver climbed back around her turkey neck and saggy bingo wings. Maria was limp in her chair, her breaths are “normal”, extremely labored and exhausting. she put the oxygen mast into her nostrils. She watched Silver glance around the room, seeing his roommates again.
Maria did the same, “Rudy... Smoothie... Milky Way...“ She felt a fart explode from her butt, causing her bladder to release another dose of urine. She actually enjoys wetting herself, the same goes for soiling herself.
(Smoothie is a Blue Coral Snake. Milky Way is a Copperhead)
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Post by chronoeclipse on Oct 29, 2020 15:02:05 GMT -6
Laying on her bed at the dark of night, Maria was fast asleep, as was Silver, whom was wrapped around her neck and deflated twigs that are her arms. Fortunately, Maria has a heated blanket on her bed so snakes could sleep with her, like other pets could. She enjoyed sleeping with her pets, who doesn’t? She was practically nude, only wearing her depends, which were a little wet, which is beyond normal for a woman that is almost 2 centuries old. Her breasts were hanged from the sides of her, stretching out to about her wrists. Her ankle length, fragile white hair hung as usual. She woke up, mumbling incomprehensible sentences as usual, even while laying in bed, her back was hunched as far as humanly possible. When her eyes opened, she saw that her normal, bland, single terrarium Nursing home room that she has been in ever since retiring, to what looked like a lab, complete with hundreds of terrariums, all with plenty of room for the snakes to stretch and explore. With labored breaths, she heaved herself over, seeing a desk, complete with a laptop and room for food. On the same side of the bed, there was Silver, who was wrapped around a high-tech, almost futuristic, automated wheelchair, There was an oxygen tank strapped behind it. It looked like it could even recline. She then felt a muffled fart escape what used to be her butt. As usual, she overexerted herself by moving a little, causing the fart to erupt into a squelch, her diaper doing an excellent job keeping her bowels at bay. Her dentures flew out of her mouth as she moaned from the pain in her body, mostly her hips and back. Another attempt. She made it to the wheelchair, only to feel her bladder practically detonated, causing pee to rush out from between what remains of her vaginal lips, her diaper keeping that from ruining the wheelchair. Silver climbed back around her turkey neck and saggy bingo wings. Maria was limp in her chair, her breaths are “normal”, extremely labored and exhausting. she put the oxygen mast into her nostrils. She watched Silver glance around the room, seeing his roommates again. Maria did the same, “Rudy... Smoothie... Milky Way...“ She felt a fart explode from her butt, causing her bladder to release another dose of urine. She actually enjoys wetting herself, the same goes for soiling herself. (Smoothie is a Blue Coral Snake. Milky Way is a Copperhead) So Maria was born at the turn of the 20th century? Like during World War I? |
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Post by animeagony on Oct 29, 2020 15:55:50 GMT -6
That would be true, but her past is unknown to many, as she spent most of her life isolated in a lab with few colleagues and hundreds of snakes. And even those colleagues knew litter about her.
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