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Post by chronoeclipse on Sept 15, 2020 15:59:10 GMT -6
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 15, 2020 16:07:49 GMT -6
🥳Celebrate good times, come on! It's a celebration!
👵🏼...
🥳Celebrate good times, come on! It's a celebration!
👵🏼If I apologized for getting Dad to write you out of The Will cause you're gay, will you remove the hex?
🥳Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Yahooo! It's a celebration!
👵🏼... Can you at least let me remember how to use the internet?
🥳Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Yahooo! It's a celebration!
👵🏼*Sighs*
🥳Maybe Facebook!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 15, 2020 19:10:41 GMT -6
🧑🏻This song kept me sane. (🏴)
👩🏼🦰Danny, I know you're upset with me... but.... (🏴)
🧑🏻Shush, let me just enjoy that hair get whiter and whiter, yeah?
👩🏻🦳...
🧑🏻It's like a snowball!
👩🏻🦳Why... why is everything so blurry?!
🧑🏻Must be your eyesight. No worries, got a spare set of glasses just for you!
👵🏼I swear, I didn't mean to...
🧑🏻You didn't mean to betray my family to The Death Eaters. How comforting.
👵🏼What?
🧑🏻I said how comforting! Hah! Guess your hearing's going too, yeah?!
👵🏼Danny, please I... *clunk*
🧑🏻Hmm. So a pair of dentures magically appeared in your mouth? Funny, I just assumed your actual teeth would fall out!
👵🏼BANNY!
🧑🏻You're all gonna pay! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 16, 2020 11:42:46 GMT -6
🤡At Revenge Burger, we believe revenge is best served greasy, cheap, and with cheesy names!
🤡Check our dollar menu!
The Irony Burger: Become what you mock.
-teenage girl to a crazy cat lady.
-daughter into boring soccer mom.
-College Student into pregnant trailer trash.
The Gram Slam Burger: Ages ya up nice and proper into an old biddy!
The Fish Friday Burger: A Traditional, Stern Old Lady Catholic Transformation.
🤡Order now and get a free apple pie!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 16, 2020 15:02:18 GMT -6
👤Hi, Jen, remember me from High School?
👩🏽That douchebag that got his head smashed into the urinal?!
👤Wow, can't believe you're pushing 30!
👩🏽Whatever, faggot. What do you want?
👤I was kinda hoping you've grown out of that BITCH PHASE. But I guess it can't be helped.
👩🏽Fuck you, Tommy Franks! I bet you still live with your Mommies you fucking nerd! What do you think was gonna happen? I'd say sorry for having my boyfriends kick your fat ass?! You had it coming! Losers get what they deserve!
👤Good point. Check you profile.
👩🏽... What the fuck?! Did you hack my profile?! And why can't I change it back! I was not born in 1950, dude!
👤Your profile says otherwise. Have a fun night catching up!
(One day later)
👵🏽I'd like to apologize for my childish behavior. It was wrong to treat you like that. I was immature, I was mean, and I'd take back every bad thing I've ever said or did to you if I could.
👵🏽Can you please change my profile back?
👤Ha! You actually think a forced apology like that will square us? I have pins in my knees, Grandma! Have fun using a walker! 😘
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 17, 2020 21:31:34 GMT -6
👩🏼🦰Mudblood.
🧑🏻Milf.
👩🏼🦰... What's a milf?
👁
🧑🏻You.
👩🏻🦳But what does that mean?
🧑🏻If you don't know, it means you're old. Guess I was wrong, you're a Gilf!
👁
👵🏼What?
🧑🏻Are you asking what a Gilf is or can you not hear me?
👵🏼What?!
🧑🏻I wanna fondle saggy tits.
👵🏼What?!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 20, 2020 22:09:33 GMT -6
💀Stupid Deaths! Stupid Deaths! They're funny cause they're true! Stupid Deaths! Stupid Deaths! Hope next time it's not you!
💀Ooh, this is a funny one, from the 2080s! Don't get a lot of those! Hello!
👵🏼Hi.
💀Name?
👵🏼Professor Paula Anderson of The Free State of East Kansas. I'm known historically as the woman responsible for the death of millions and millions.
💀Hmm, guess no one's from Kansas anymore! Hah!
💀Go on then, how'd you die, grandma?
👵🏼... Well, for one thing, I'm 27.
💀... Really?
👵🏼*Nodding* I was working on a chrono bomb, a time bomb for the war effort against The Atlantic Alliance.
💀Fascinating. And your death involves these Chrono Bombs?
👵🏼The capsule that held the quantum flux trigger was silently leaking for months. I kept waking up day after day with more and more wrinkles, grey hairs, and liver spots. The whole city of Liberty was getting older and older. We couldn't fix the problem in time. Liberty became the Chernobyl of the 21st century.
💀 Wow! Guess getting old can be silent and deadly! Hah! Alright, off to the afterlife with ya!
The Professor slowly shuffles towards a gate.
💀Imagine, dying by rushing through life too quick?! Hah!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 24, 2020 21:54:02 GMT -6
🤱Okay, so I had an affair with your husband.
👩🏼🦰Yes.
🤱But you were presumed dead so...
👩🏼🦰Emma, you know damned well you were flirting with Scott waaay before that!
🤱Shush, you're gonna spook the baby!
👩🏼🦰Oh, sorry, but don't act all innocent.
🤱I won't. I get I deserved revenge... but how... how is sending us to a world where I'm your wife and mother of your children revenge?
🤱I kind of get making me want you sexually and aging me a few years is kind of revenge... but is it? Is it really?
👩🏼🦰... I tried pulling a Frida Kahlo, okay? I wanted to get revenge on Scott and you at the same time.
🤱...I've heard that story... but it sounds more like Frida was bisexual and just wanted an excuse to have sex with a woman she was attracted to. I mean, they ended up being long term lovers. She took care of Frida till the day she died if I remember that story right.
🤱... are you saying you're sexually attracted to me?
👩🏼🦰... You're making this revenge bittersweet.
🤱You made us a married couple with 3 kids and a really nice house.
🤱This feels less like revenge and more like, "I was jealous you were having sex with Scott instead of me."
👩🏼🦰... I'm going to work now.
🤱Pick up a pizza for dinner.
👩🏼🦰*light peck on the lips* Kay, love you!
🤱... Am I really being punished?
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Post by phoenix10 on Sept 25, 2020 20:38:00 GMT -6
Hmmm...is she getting punished? I feel like life with Jean Grey is somewhat punishment 😂
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 27, 2020 23:22:17 GMT -6
👨🏽🦲So, you were brutally tortured to death by a Roman Emperor, became an energy vampire as a result of your scorn and collapsed the empire from behind the scenes?
🎭Indeed.
👨🏽🦲Bitchin.
👨🏽🦲And what does Old Lady Catherine have to do with this?
🎭Fun Story, she's a Roman Emperor's daughter. I offered her eternal life, in exchange she kill her dad, my Killer's grandson.
👨🏽🦲So you gave her eternal life....
🎭But not eternal youth!
🎭I'm fair though, she hasn't aged a day in hundreds of years.
👨🏽🦲So she's been stuck like looking 85 for hundreds of years?!
🎭Indeed.
👨🏽🦲Awesome!
🎭People just started living that long on average. There were times she was a ancient relic!
👨🏽🦲... What will the future be like when people on average are as old as like 130?
🎭I really doubt that's possible.
👨🏽🦲I do too. But think about that, she might actually feel young in the not too distant future!
🎭By comparison, I suppose.
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keith943
Elder Member
Temporary Suspension
Posts: 944
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Post by keith943 on Sept 28, 2020 6:56:04 GMT -6
maybe the energy vampire then decides to allow catherine to age untill her appearance is biologically 130 years old
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Sept 28, 2020 8:37:32 GMT -6
🎭Nope.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 1, 2020 12:49:08 GMT -6
👩🏼🦰Sam, did you finish your homework?!
Two weeks ago, Sam's girlfriend made fun of a Mom at a Target. Since then, she's been acting like Sam's Mother.
👩🏼🦰Sam Dilbert Danders, answer me!
👱🏼♂️... Yes, Kim.
👩🏼🦰Kim?!
👱🏼♂️... I mean... Mom.
Keep this in mind, Sam is 27 and owns a Vape Shop. He hasn't been a student in nearly 10 years. For some reason, Kim thinks Sam is a high school freshman.
👩🏼🦰So, you finished your homework?
👱🏼♂️... Yes, Mom.
👩🏼🦰Alright, mister, but if I get another email about you missing assignments, I'm taking away your switch!
Sam isn't sure what those emails are about... but he's pretty sure they're the reason her hairs been getting pretty dull in color lately!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 1, 2020 19:49:27 GMT -6
👽Hey, Shiela. Remember me?
👵🏼... The Alien I found on my farm as a kid?
👽Mhmm. Because of you, I spent 25 years being experimented on by The US Government.
👽It took me 25 years to escape that prison.
👵🏼... I'm sorry.
👽It's fine. Cause guess what?
👵🏼What?
👽I'm fucking your grandson!
👵🏼What?!
👽I said I'm fucking your grandson! And we're adopting a kid!
👵🏼...
👽Don't call the US Military on innocent Aliens next time, Grandma-In-Law! *Flips her the Bird*
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 24, 2020 21:11:10 GMT -6
🧑🏻💼My Mom was a PR Rep for The Hero Squad. Lisa Saiki. Remember her?
👱🏼♂️...
🧑🏻💼I'm sure you don't. You've had a lot of PR Reps over the years. Bet my mom was just one of many, many women you've raped.
👱🏼♂️If you untie me from this... Uh...
🧑🏻💼Magnetic Wire. Pretty bitchin that magnets are your kryptonite. Made this super easy!
👱🏼♂️I swear, whatever you think I did to your mom...
🧑🏻💼Happened. And she killed herself cause of you. And it pisses me off. She was gonna be 50 this year, you know? I have a kid. She should be a grandma, buying clothes for my little Anita, buying toys, watching old Disney Films, teaching her how to count in Japanese.
🧑🏻💼And you took that away from her.
👱🏼♂️I didn't rape your mom. That's not who Captain Glory is.
🧑🏻💼*Sigh* You'll never admit to your sins, huh?
👱🏼♂️Good Guys don't sin.
🧑🏻💼Bullshit.
🧑🏻💼Anyways, I'm gonna leave town, hideout for awhile, eventually, I'm gonna kill ya.
👱🏼♂️...
🧑🏻💼Till then. Have fun at your wedding.
***
(3 days later)
🧔🏻Do you, Captain Glory, take... take Ms Beauty as your lawful wedded wife?
👱🏼♂️... I do.
🧔🏻And do you, Ms Beauty, take Captain Glory as your lawful wedded husband?
👵🏼What?!
🧔🏻... Do you, Ms Beauty, take Captain Glory as your lawful wedded husband?!
👵🏼What?!
🧔🏻Do you want to marry Captain Glory?!
👵🏼... What?
🧔🏻*Touches Finger* Marry! Do you want to marry Captain Glory?!
👵🏼*Smiles a dentured smile* I do.
🧔🏻You may now kiss the bride!
👵🏼💋
👱🏼♂️🧠I'm gonna kill that son of bitch!
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