kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 4, 2020 15:11:05 GMT -6
🐵I'm Steve.
🐭The guy who wrote Monster Mash?
🐵I'm Steve.
🐸I always thought that guy was British?
🐵I'm Steve.
🐭Yeah? Weird.
🐸Someone once told me Massachusetts was like the closest thing America has to England. I feel like Bobby Pickett is evidence for that claim.
🐵I'm Steve.
🐭No, I don't think they sell Curly Wurlies and Hula Hoops in Boston.
🙊... I'm Steve.
(Yesterday)
Janet Van Dyne's fashion show was a bust this year.
To top that off, She's been all over the tabloids. Supposedly, dating a young man named Peter Parker makes her, a woman of 28, a Cougar?!
Ridiculous!
Stomping inside her studio apartment, she heads to the fridge for a bottle of Fiji Water... noticing a very odd costume on her kitchen counter.
It was like something from London, Circa 1970s.
An extra large, black leather jacket with a Union Jack embroidered on the back, matching leather pants, a spiked belt with combat boots and a pack of Lucky Strike Cigarettes in the front pocket.
"... What's this doing here?" Janet questions as an Orange Aura engulfs her.
Grabbing the water bottle, for some strange reason, she has a powerful urge to listen to some Sex Pistols.
(Halloween)
🐭🐸🐵Trick or Treat!
👵🏼Oi, ain't you kiddies just brilliant, yeah?!
An elderly woman, dressed like her youth, smiles with yellowed, crooked teeth and a very noticeable mole on her left cheek.
Janet's as round as a pumpkin, reeking of gin, with Punk Rock playing softly in the background.
She hands each kid a packaged strawberry twizzler.
👵🏼You lot take care now *Wagging a finger* Don't be misbehaving too much, yeah?
Janet giggles as she shuts the door.
In the background, you could here a woman's voice asking if she's ready for a second round.
The trio snickers.
🐸See those tattoos on her bingo wings?
🐭Marvelous!
🙊I'm Steve!
🐸An Elderly, Lesbian, British Punk Rocker is like the best thing we've done so far, I agree with you, Steve.
🐵I'm Steve.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 5, 2020 8:06:55 GMT -6
It's time for...
YO GIRLFRIEND IS SO OLD: Halloween Edition.
👩🏼🦰Hey, I just bought this sexy Wednesday Addams Costume!
👱🏼♂️And I spent weeks making Thing. His fingers actually move!
👱🏼♂️If you're going to fuck with us, can you wait after Halloween?!
YO GIRLFRIEND IS SO OLD, SHE'S GOTTA BE GRANDMA ADDAMS FOR HALLOWEEN!
👵🏼... God Damn It!
👱🏼♂️... You can still use Thing.
👵🏼You're missing the point, Warren. I wanted to be sexy!
Yo, some people think Grandma Addams is Sexy.
👵🏼... *Looks at boyfriend*
👱🏼♂️...
Y'all have fun tonight. Get your Addams Family Values on!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 5, 2020 12:33:09 GMT -6
👨🏻⚕️Are you troubled by age progression in the middle of the day? 🧑🏻🔬Do you find yourself transformed into a bingo loving grandma on a daily basis? 🧑🏻💼Do you wake up smelling like ointment, have a powerful urge to knit, bake cookies, or watch C-Span? 👨🏻⚕️If the answer is yes, to any of those question, don't hesitate to ask for help, pick up the phone and call us, the professionals...
👨🏻⚕️🧑🏻🔬🧑🏻💼GramBusters. We're ready to assist you!
Now Affiliated with MilfBuster, Cougar Hunters, Karen Patrol, Mom Jeans Alert, and Cat Lady Rescue.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 5, 2020 12:53:56 GMT -6
👩🏼🦳Hi, I'm April and I should be 18... except I look 57.
👵🏼Hi, I'm Heather and I should be 23... except I looked 84.
👻Hi, I'm Boogie Man Jackson and this Halloween, don't look under your bed, unless you wanna buys some depends!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 6, 2020 17:11:25 GMT -6
👨🏻... You're dating our mother?
🧛🏻♀️... Actually, we're getting engaged.
🧔🏻👨🏻What?!
👵🏼Boys, I know this is... surprising. But Tatiana and I are in love and...
🧔🏻Have you forgotten Dad was killed by a Vampire?!
👨🏻Yeah! How can you marry one of those... one of this blood sucking demons!
🧛🏻♀️...Susan, I think it's time you told Bob and Hank the truth.
🧔🏻What truth?
👨🏻Let me guess, you're the monster that killed our old man?!
👵🏼No, boys...
👵🏼This is so awkward, Tatiana.
🧛🏻♀️*grabs hand* They're old enough to know the truth.
👵🏼You're right. Boy, your father, he... he was killed at a Vampire Brothel.
👨🏻🧔🏻...
👵🏼He wouldn't pay, so, a Vampire Pimp named Count Harlem drained him to death.
🧛🏻♀️I was the cop in charge of his case. If it gives you any comfort, Count Harlem was injected with holy water for manslaughter.
👵🏼We've been friends ever since and dating for... wow, 25 years?!
👨🏻🧔🏻...
👨🏻I'm not calling her Mom.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 6, 2020 21:38:38 GMT -6
👻Apple Juice, Orange Juice, Grape Juice. Why isn’t it Lemon Juice?
👻Or, Or, why isn't it Appleade? Or Orangeade? Or Grapeade?
👵🏼Damn it, Johnny, you can't be that idiot who died from a homemade bunk bed and a genius who tackles the absurdity of the English Language. I'm 85, you died in 2015, when I was a teenager, I shouldn't be thinking you're stupid for using two old refrigerators and smart for bringing something I honestly never thought about!
👻... I'm sorry I upset you like this.
👵🏼You suffocated to death in a refrigerator that was crushed by another refrigerator, you're damn right you get me upset!
Remember, if you died because of something stupid, you shouldn't haunt loved ones. Cause now you're just a jerk!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 7, 2020 19:32:43 GMT -6
👨🏽Hey Diddly Ho, Neighborino!
👩🏼Hey, Ned... Um... So... I heard you're Satan?
👨🏽Sure as Dandy, Ms Candy!
👨🏽It's always the last person you suspect!
👩🏼... So... uh... Hey, Carol!
An elderly woman shuffles with slippers, shaky, age spotted hands gripping over a walker with freshly poked tennis balls.
👵🏼Penny?
👨🏽Well, hey there, Ms Carol, how's the new age treating ya?!
👵🏼... I can't go upstairs without help anymore.
👨🏽Super!
👩🏼About that... I feel kinda bad for Carol.
👨🏽Hey, she sold her youth for a great career and i delivered!
👩🏼She had to retired almost immediately.
👨🏽With pension!
👩🏼Look... is there any way I can... I dunno... can take a couple years off her... like 20?
👨🏽Sorry, that's be a good dead. I can't do that.
👨🏽Ask Moe. He'll be happy to help!
👩🏼... Wait, is... is Moe an Angel?
👨🏽Yep.
👩🏼... I don't understand this world!
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niddlyby43
Elder Member
Age before beauty.
Posts: 623
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Post by niddlyby43 on Oct 7, 2020 20:49:54 GMT -6
"God I couldn't be that old." She said looking at a rather elderly woman shuffle across the walkway. She wore a nice fitting dress with her cane making some loud shaking noises. One could tell she was wearing dentures, slipping some as she mustered along.
Sitting to the right of the ill mannered young woman was a neatly dress girl. Plain Jane as it were; brunette hair and standard workout wear, a bit odd for a young Wiccan. Her ill mannered seat mate was wearing a tube top revealing a pair of nicely freckled cleavage, while her yoga pants hugged her body in a rather shapely way.
"You don't want to live a long peaceful life?" Our wiccan exclaimed, reaching for a old pocket watch.
"Yeah; being unable to move like I used too........dulled taste and a dry ass vag.......not to mention the deflated tits...........going out young seems right. Not having to worry about if I pissed myself or if my oxygen is on, you know?" Seat mate said, shifting some in her seat. Our wiccan was adjust the watch every so often, adding some time to our fearful lady. Just sitting there a few moments had let her cross into MILF territory, though she ballooned in size. Her perfect midriff had expanded into a poochy muffin top, while her shapely thighs had gained flesh with cellulite (if one was observant, they could make out the varicose veins that are now present on her somewhat pale flesh.)
Rubbing her new belly unconsciously, "Yeah imagine having no strength left to work out and stuff. I couldn't think of being so frail....." she said feeling her new bingo wings expand. Her 60s were where she has her weightloss.....and muscle atrophy. As she sat there, her muscle began to lose massive amounts of mass, leaving deflated thighs and hanging flesh on her arms. The pot belly she was sporting had shrank and sagged over her yoga pants, oozing over them. While her thighs seemed to melt into her chair.
"I mean age gives you wisdom, you would just need to take care of yourself to ward off the effects of time....." Wiccan said as she continued to fiddle with pocket watch. The poor woman to her left kept on shriveling and shrinking in her seat. Her vibrant hair had already lost sheen and volume, bleaching out into a thin white mane of 85 year old woman. Her shirt look ridiculous on her frame, her sagging sacks barely being contained by her sports bra, while her hanging stomach was pooling in her lap. Her ass had melting into her bony thighs with the residual flesh still pooling there. Luckily for her, her teeth were still intact however yellow they may have been.
"Could you be a deary and hand me my cane over there? Got keep up my strength these days......wait......" she said fearful as she couldn't really move her legs well. As she attempted to stand, her knobby knees hit one another repeatedly. Despite her efforts, she no longer possessed the strength to even stand plopping back down to her seat. "What??? What did you do me???" she screamed.
Getting up with no effort, "You said you didn't want to be old; so I'm giving you a taste of frailty: enjoy." Wiccan proclaimed.
"Wait!!! NOOooOOOOoooOOO!!!" she exclaimed as she flailed about in her seat.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 7, 2020 20:50:52 GMT -6
🐢Coraline will always have my favorite Age Regression. EVER.
🐢Also, this is stop motion animation. Someone animated them big, saggy tits. ❤️
🐢Also, John Hodgman. I love John Hodgman ❤️
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 8, 2020 0:53:47 GMT -6
🎅🏻I see you when you're sleeping.
👱🏼♀️...
🎅🏻I know when you're awake!
👱🏼♀️I'm starting to get uncomfortable, Santa.
🎅🏻I know when you've been bad or good...
🎅🏻So, be good, for goodness sake!
This Halloween, get old with Santa Claus!
👵🏼What are you even do here in the first place?! It's October!
Santa Claus is Aging The Town, in Theaters October 17th!
🎅🏻Ho Ho Old!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 8, 2020 1:46:29 GMT -6
🐢The 2000s was a weird time for Cartoon Network.
🐢One of their best shows was about two kids and a personification of Death with a Jamaican Accent.
🐢Anyways, that shows needs a reboot or something. It holds up.
🐢Much like this classic scene
🐢Think of it this way, some goth chick's nightmare is turning into a plump, cookie cutter version of her mama! That's a story I simply love! ❤️
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 8, 2020 14:01:26 GMT -6
🧸Wanna play a game?
👱🏼♀️... No.
🧑🏽🦲Fuck No.
👱🏼♀️In fact, Cliff, call a Priest, a Rabbi, an Imam, a Buddhist Monk, a Witch Doctor,I don't care, that's a fucking talking teddy bear!
🧸Hey, Cliff, eat her fat, old ass!
🧑🏽🦲Mmmmmfff!
👵🏻...
🧑🏽🦲Mmmmfff!
👵🏼Guess I'll have to call! You had one job, Cliff and... Oh! Yeah, keep going!
🧸I think his new job is much better.
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 8, 2020 15:43:45 GMT -6
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 11, 2020 16:45:23 GMT -6
Hey, do you like Popcorn?!
👱🏼♀️Not really.
What?! You don't like Popcorn?!
That's like the epitomony of Hallowiener!
👱🏼♀️... I think you mean epitome.
👱🏼♀️Also, I've never once associated popcorn with HALLOWEEN!
Man, fuck yo couch!
👱🏼♀️What does that even mean?!
It means fuck yo couch, GRANDMA!
👵🏼... What were we talking about again?
Happy Hallowiener, y'all, OR, I'll Fuck Yo Couch!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Oct 13, 2020 10:48:48 GMT -6
It's time for Scary Bingo! 👱🏻♀️... Scary Bingo? Here's your card! B | I | N | G | O | 2- Crow's Feet | 1-Grey Hair | 3-Thunder thighs | 1-Hot Flashes | 22-Interest in knitting | 5-Laugh Lines | 4-White Hair | 8-Pear Shaped | 2-Diminished Eyesight | 39--Disinterest in popular music | 11-Age Spots | 11-Blue Hair | 15-Apple Shaped | 7-Hearing Loss | 42-Forgetfulness | 22-Saggy Skin | 55-Wig | 27-Pigeon Breasted | 31-False Teeth | 43-Obsession with coupons | 30-Turkey Waddle | 62-Perm | 33-Walrus Rump | 47-Mobility Scooter | 44-Prudish Demeanor |
👱🏻♀️...What's with the words after the numbers? Oh, you'll find out. Especially when I call out... -B2 -I1 -N33 -G31 -O42 *** 🐢And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my Scary Bingo Idea. Critiques are well welcomed 😘
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