Alana and Selena
Cut to: Alana shows Selena her bedroom.
Alana: "And these are our rooms..."
Selena: "So they make you live like you're in a girls dorm even though you're all older than dirt now?"
Alana: "I think these rooms are very nice! Very Real Housewives of Beverly Hills..."
Selena: "The bathroom in my condo look comfier..."
Alana: *Teasing* "Oooo Miss Big Business Woman over here... I remember when you were just a skinny little teenage girl taking money out of your moms purse so you could go buy yourself new sneakers..."
Selena bites her tongue.
Cut to: Selena looking pissed off pacing around the confessional room.
Selena: *Directly into the camera, pointing as if she was confronting young Alana.* "No I remember
YOU when
you were a skinny little teenager stealing money from our mom so you could buy yourself a stupid jacket!... Except you weren't all that skinny!"
cut to: Alana waddling down the steps of the house, huffing and puffing as she grips the banister.
Selena: *Looking concerned as her 'older' sister wheezes and struggles to climb down the stairs* "Are you okay Mij- I mean
aunty?"
Alana: *Waves her away* "I'm fine mija! Why?"
Selena: "You're out of breath just walking
down a flight of steps."
Alana reaches the bottom of the steps and catches her breath, putting a chubby hand on her fat saggy chest.
Alana: "Oh don't worry so much baby girl. These steps are very steep. I just get a bit winded is all! C'mon let me show you the front of the house..."
Cut to: Selena in the confessional room.
Selena: "Damn, my baby sis is going to have her fat-ass a heart attack! She's more out of shape than our mom! Mmm-mm, I don't like it!"
Cut to: Alana and Selena at the front of the house where the 55-year-old normally starts her jogging challenge.
Alana: "And this is where they had me jog around the block in a skimpy running outfit some chiquita your age would wear! My ta-ta were floppin' all over the place!"
Selena: *Unimpressed* "The show just challenged you to jog around the block in a sports bra?"
Alana: "Well no... there was more too it... It was a challenge to see how many people in the neighborhood checked me out when I passed by."
Selena: *Annoyed* "Oh nice so you degrade yourself by stuffing your flabby-ass body into clothes designed for women half your age and then parade around getting cat-called? This! This is the kind of show your wasting your time on... aunty?"
Alana: *Taken aback* "Woo! Mija you reminded me of your mami they for a second. You've got to chill out girlfriend. Lifes not worth getting worked up over every little thing. It felt nice when all these men and women - guys even younger than you! Were giving me the once over... it made me feel sexy! You know - life begins at 40..."
Selena: *Rolling her eyes* "I know, 'Top of the hill, not over it...' so you've been telling me all morning."
Cut to: Selena in the confessional room.
Selena: *putting her hands together as if praying* "Please god don't like me ever say shit like 'life begins at 40' or '50 is the new 30' for as long as I live..."
Cut to: Alana standing with Selena in the doorway.
Alana: "Oh Mija! You're so lucky you're not little anymore or I would pull you over my lap right here and give you the biggest spanking for the fresh way you've been talking to me today!"
Selena: *Juts her bottom jaw in frustration but considers the situation* "Sorry 'Aunty'... I meant no disrespect."
Alana: *Pinching the younger womans cheeks with her hand* "Oooo mija you're lucky I love you so much!"
Alana pulls Selena into a big hug and squeezes her tight with her flabby arms. Selena takes it and pats her sister on her wide back but looks across the street at the middle-aged couple that live there, staring at them.
Selena: "What the fuck are you looking at!? Ain't you never see sisters show affection to each other before? I mean... An aunt and her favorite niece?... Yeah that's right! Go back into your house!"
Alana: "Woo mija! Something has got you worked up today! Take it from someone who's been around the block a few more times than you to learn a thing or two about life - you got to let things roll off your back baby girl!"
Selena: *Mumbling* "Older and wiser my ass... I've got 5 years on you..."
Alana: "What was that? Speak up mija! I think i'm going deaf the older I get! Either that or you young kids mumble every damn thing you say!"
Selena: "... I said 'Thank you aunty' i'll keep try to be better..."
The Alana squeezes her sister/niece against her saggy chest again and leads her inside chuckling and shaking her head.