kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 1, 2020 23:49:44 GMT -6
🇳🇱 Ho Ho Ho! Happy Saint Nicholas Day!
👱🏻♀️... Saint Nicholas Day?
🇳🇱 Ja, Ja, Happy Saint Nicholas Day! Please, enjoy a Milk Chocolate Letter!
👱🏻♀️🍫Wow... so you guys eat chocolate letters on Saint Nicholas Day?
🇳🇱Ja, Ja, Is Good, No?
👱🏻♀️No, It's good. Thanks for the gift... um... Why is it an H?
🇳🇱Because H is for Hot-flash, No?
👱🏻♀️Hot-flash? I'm only...
👩🏼🦳50. 50?! Wait, why did I say that?! I'm 50. 50! And.... *frantically waving hand* When did it get so gosh darn hot all of the sudden?!
🇳🇱Happy Saint Nicholas Day! What letter will you get on Saint Nicholas Eve?!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 2, 2020 13:50:25 GMT -6
👨🏽🦲So, what are you doing for Christmas?
👱🏼♀️I'm Jewish.
👨🏽🦲Right, sorry. So, what are you doing for Hanukkah?
👱🏼♀️I'm swamped with work, so, I can't fly home this year. But I'll probably just FaceTime my Folks.
IF YOU CAN REMEMBER HOW.
👨🏽🦲Who said that?!
👱🏼♀️Hello?! I'm calling the cops, you sicko!
HAPPY HANUKKAH, BUBBE!
👱🏼♀️Bubbe? What are you...
👵🏻Talking about? What was I talking about? And why is it so cold in here?!
👨🏽🦲...
HAPPY HANUKKAH!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 5, 2020 12:28:54 GMT -6
Inspired by this:
***
👵🏻Wow, I can't believe this is the same hot tub from 1978!
🧓🏼I can. The Good Samaritan really needs to renovate.
🧓🏼The '70s was a very, very long time ago, Sarah.
👵🏻Oh, don't be such a fuddy duddy, Rudy.
👵🏻It's Christmas and we're back at the hotel where we fell in love.
👵🏻Isn't that romantic?
🧓🏼Yeah.
👩🏼🦱👩🏽🦱Awe!
👵🏻🧓🏼What the!
👵🏻Cherry?!
🧓🏼Bubbles?!
👩🏼🦱👩🏽🦱Merry Christmas, Fellas!
👵🏻🧓🏼...
👩🏼🦱You're such a cute, old couple!
👩🏽🦱And you both look great for your age!
👵🏻... Yeah, The Good Samaritan should renovate this place.
🧓🏼*Laughing* Merry Christmas!
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niddlyby43
Elder Member
Age before beauty.
Posts: 623 
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Post by niddlyby43 on Dec 5, 2020 14:43:29 GMT -6
A young woman was talking to her friend at a brunch in a local cafe.
“So the card said you got 30 years as a “gift”.”
“Yeah it was so weird; like the package just popped up under my tree. Been feeling odd all morning too...”
“Odd. How?”
“Like my hair is limp and lifeless; even saw a lot gray today. Like I’m stressing or something.”
“Now that you mention it, you seem hella haggard; like wrinkles....wait.....wrinkles?”
Her friend was piling on in age as they spoke, her young body expanding and sagging towards the floor. Her modest cups expanded and drooped in her bra as her legs pooled in her chair. From her scratching, she felt her ankles ashen and wrinkle.
“Yeah, this morning I’ve been feeling so winded and weak; thought I crapped myself this morning.”
“Sis, you’re like actually aging!?? Don’t you see you’re frail hands and all that hanging pasty flesh?!!”
“I didn’t want to panic or anything......but it’s scary....I think Krampus visited me instead of Santa...” she said as she was feeling her new jowls. Her hair had now become more gray than brown while her she felt her adult diaper shift some.
“Wait....are you in a diaper?”
“Yeah.....I kinda already soaked it too....”
“Hopefully I don’t get a gift from Krampus.....”
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 7, 2020 18:22:10 GMT -6
A young college student, 19 years of age, 5ft4, long, slender legs in knee high socks, the left red, the right green, wearing festively matching panties and a frilly bra to boot, curled, chestnut hair shoulder length, triangular chin up with dimpled cheeks and a button nose, her body horizontal on a twin sized mattress, winks seductively at her roommate, a blonde sophomore, giving her one of the most obvious signals that was ever played.
But her roommate, Tatiana, was focused more on her biology report, then she was a holiday romance.
"Feliz Navidad!" Paula sings with a raspy, tomboyish in tone, voice. "Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad! Prospero Ano y Felicidad!"
Tatiana sighs, looking up quickly, wanting only to chew out Paula for yet again trying to have sex with her.
Instead, her eyes were widened as she noticed Paula's face looked rounded than usual. With laugh lines forming around her mouth and a potbelly dropping lower and lower with every breath.
"Come on, Tatiana." Paula giggles, her voice sounding more and more mature in sound, her hair getting greyer and greyer.
At this point, Tatiana could deny she was aroused. Plump Milfs are just her type!
As Paula licks her plump lips, her breasts expanding and drooping ever so slightly, Tatiana realized she was gonna have one very Merry Christmas indeed!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 7, 2020 22:35:06 GMT -6
Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy. It's Christmas!
👩🏽🦱👱🏼♀️👩🏼🦰Yay!
You know what that means?!
👩🏽🦱👱🏼♀️👩🏼🦰Chinese Food!
That's right, Chinese Food!
👩🏽🦱👱🏼♀️👩🏼🦰Yay!
What are you gonna have?!
👩🏽🦱Kung Pao Chicken!
Great, enjoy the hot flashes!
👩🏽🦱Hot flashes? What are you...
👵🏽WOW, IT'S LIKE A OVEN IN HERE! *Fanning self frantically* Someone put on the air conditioning, NOW!
What about you?!
👱🏼♀️Um.. Honey Walnut Shrimp?
Wonderful! Hope you like acid reflux!
👱🏼♀️Acid reflux? What are you...
👩🏼🦳Ughh! Someone get my pills! Wait, pills?! Since when do I take pill?!
And how about you? What are you having?!
👩🏼🦰... I don't wanna play this game.
Come on, what are you having?
👩🏼🦰No!
Fine, I'll decide for you! BBQ Pork! Enjoy that big fat ass, you sexy milf!
👩🏼🦰Milf? Wouldn't I have a kid if I were a...
🤱Oh boy, you're a big boy, aren't you?! That's right, eat up for mama!
Merry Christmas, enjoy your Chinese, and don't forget to watch a movie. I suggest Diehard. 😘
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 8, 2020 13:58:20 GMT -6
A Very Happy Saint Stephen's Day to the lot of ya!
👱🏼♀️... I don't know what that is.
Doesn't matter, put on yer nan's old housedress this instant!
👱🏼♀️... Why?
Just do it, lass!
👱🏼♀️👗... Fine
👱🏼♀️Why am wearing this? I look like an old...
👵🏻Lady.
👵🏻...
Happy Saint Stephen's Day! Go out, be merry, be old! 😘
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 8, 2020 14:21:04 GMT -6
👱🏼♀️Where's Heather? And who's that old lady?
👵🏻Hello!
👱🏼♀️Sorry, ma'am, but the back is for employees only.
👵🏻Carol, it's me, Heather.
🧓🏼👩🏼🦰💁🏼♀️*Chuckles*
👱🏼♀️What's going on?
You know Candy
& Brandy
& Mandy
& Big Squirt
Cherry
& Terry
Yolanda
& Ginger
But do you recall the most famous stripper of them all?!
Heather, the tatted stripper, likes to dress as Mrs Claus!
And if you ever saw her, frankly you would drop your jaw!
All of the other strippers, use to squirm when Heather aged!
They always got so flustered, whenever Heather's weight would gain!
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Japanese Businessmen came to say:
"Heather, with your body so fat,
Won't you grind on all our laps?!"
Then how the strippers loved her,
And they shouted out with glee!
Heather, the tatted stripper,
You'll go down in history!
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Post by chronoeclipse on Dec 8, 2020 16:04:25 GMT -6
Okay I got into the holiday spirit and put this little ditty together with some help from spyguy On the FIRST day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... A little bit of maturity.
On the SECOND day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the THIRD day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the FOURTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the FIFTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the SIXTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the SEVENTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... Gray hair that is thinning Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the EIGHTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... Pills for my arthritis Gray hair that is thinning Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the NINTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... An aid for my hearing Pills for my arthritis Gray hair that is thinning Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the TENTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... A cane I use for walking An aid for my hearing Pills for my arthritis Gray hair that is thinning Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the ELEVENTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... Dentures for my chewing A cane I use for walking An aid for my hearing Pills for my arthritis Gray hair that is thinning Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity.
On the TWELFTH day of Christmas an AP spell gave to me... Senility for my uh... what was I singing about again? Dentures for my chewing A cane I use for walking An aid for my hearing Pills for my arthritis Gray hair that is thinning Eyeglasses for seeing FLOPPY BINGO WINGS!!! A pair of saggy breasts A stiff achey back New wrinkles and some crows feet and a little bit of maturity. |
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 8, 2020 21:22:36 GMT -6
🥸Tis The Season TO GET GREY HAIR!
👱🏼♀️What?
🥸AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE
👩🏼🦳...
🥸Tis The Season FOR A FAKE TAN
👩🏼🦳Fake tan?
🥸AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE
👩🏽🦳...
👩🏽🦳Please, Stop.
🥸Wrinkles, age spots, menopause, and more wrinkles...
🥸AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE
👵🏽...
🥸Have an urge to knit, bake, and play bingo...
🥸AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE AGE
👵🏻...
👵🏻At least my fake tan is gone.
🥸And horribly damaged your skin!
👵🏻...
🥸Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 9, 2020 17:54:15 GMT -6
👱🏼♀️What's Kwanza?
👨🏿🦱Dr. Maulana Karenga, professor and chairman of Black Studies at California State University, Long Beach, created Kwanzaa in 1966 After the Watts riots in Los Angeles.
👨🏿🦱Kwanzaa is a weeklong celebration that honors African heritage in African-American culture. Kwanzaa is observed from December 26th to January 1st, and culminates in gift giving and a big feast.
👱🏼♀️Cool.
👨🏿🦱And now that you know, HAPPY FIRST KWANZA, GRANDMA.
👱🏼♀️Grandma? What are you...🕰🕰🕰🕰🕰🕰
👵🏻Did you send me off, Junior?
👨🏿🦱Yes, grandma.
👵🏻Happy Kwanza, honey.
👨🏿🦱Happy Kwanza, Grandma.
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Post by tylerjmcmaster on Dec 9, 2020 19:10:12 GMT -6
Mmm clock aging 😌
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 10, 2020 13:33:50 GMT -6
🎼🔔
👧🏻Aunt Jacky, Aunt Jacky, teacher says every time a bell rings, a woman goes through the change.
👩🏼(22) ... What?
👧🏻Teacher says every time a bell rings, a woman goes through the change.
👩🏼Why would... what?! Stacy, that's just...
👩🏼🦳(55) Ridic... UGHH! Why is it so hot in here?! And...
👩🏼🦳...
🎼🎺
👩🏼🦳Did your teacher say anything about trumpets?
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 10, 2020 16:35:51 GMT -6
Jingle Bells! (2x)
Jingle your hair grey!
Oh, what fun it is to watch-
Your body hit menopause!
Jingle Bells! (2x)
Jingle your hair grey!
Oh, what fun it is to watch-
Your skin wrinkle and tits sag!
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kappa
Elder Member
Posts: 5,815
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Post by kappa on Dec 14, 2020 13:08:48 GMT -6
👱🏼♀️📱Yeah, I'm just waiting for my Uber next to some guy in a dreidel costume.
😱Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel!
😱I made it out of clay!
😱And when it's dry and ready-
😱Then, dreidel I will play!
👱🏼♀️📱*Laughing* What a stupid costume and song.
👱🏼♀️Hey, idiot, be a bell next Christmas!
😠...
😑...
🤔....
😲So, you don't like my song?
😘How about this?!
😱Oh, Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!
😱I made you out of rage!
😱And when you're dried and wrinkled-
😱Then, Grandma, I will play!
👵🏻...
👵🏻📱I'm gonna have to call you back, Rachel.
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