LizardBoy87: Hey guys, Today is Power Positive Monday, when you list one good thing about your superpowers. For me, it's being able to cut off my dick whenever I get The Clap. I know, TMI, but trust me, it comes in handy! 🤣
WTF69: I guess being able to project images with mass is pretty awesome when you're between girlfriends... Don't judge me!
LiarLiarPantsOnFire: I've gotten out of so many speeding tickets. That, and all my affairs! My husband's as clueless as the game! 🤫
Chimps: I can masturbate with my feet. MY FEET! NUF SAID.
TimeWarp123: I hate my powers, usually, but I will admit a perk is knowing the best version of I Love Lucy stars Miley Cyrus. It's called I Love Miley and, seriously, it's almost worth the headache of living throughout multiple timelines at once. Probably the best version of the '50s I can think of!
WTF69: Is she hawt?
Chimps: WTF, Dude. Why is Miley Cyrus playing a housewife from the '50s?! And is she still alive in that timeline?!
LiarLiarPantsOnFire: Sounds like a pretty lame power. Who'd want to see Miley Cyrus as some old, wrinkled hag?!
TimeWarp123: There are so many futures and a lot of them are just awful. For example, I was just in a 2088 where Miley Cyrus is the spokeswoman for Depends... The ad campaign is a little much.
TorontOwl: I imagine her Depends ads would be 86 year old Miley Cyrus sitting suggestively on a wrecking ball wearing nothing but an adult diaper. I'd love to see that!
Travieso: I think most of us want to see that 😏😏😏
TimeWarp123: In that timeline, she actually did something similar to that in her late 40s when she was the spokeswoman for a hair dye called Always Sunny... I don't want to get into much detail about her depends commercial, but, let's just say it involved Selena Gomez and some elderly twerking. Still want to see that?
*Winks and Nigel, sitting on a comfy, green couch, watching reruns of I Love Miley with a bucket of fried chicken*
Old Man: That Countess Vivian is one lovely bird, yeah?
Old Man: Hey, by chance, have ya ever dated a Vampire?
Winks: *Cringing with a greasy drumstick in hand*
Old Man *Smirking*: Was it fun for ya, boyo? I picture vampires liking bondage. That, and candles!
Winks: Can we please just enjoy a classic episode of I Love Miley?
Old Man: What are ya getting all fussy about? Vampires seem like an ideal shag for ya! Seeing how they never age.
Winks : *Laughing*
Old Man *Raising a Brow*: Wait, do they age?
Winks *Shaking his head*: Not physically.
Old Man *Scratching his chin*: I don't follow ya, boyo.
Winks: I'm trying to enjoy Miley eating a bucket of potato salad before it goes bad! Can't you just watch the show too?!
Old Man: Not until ya explain it to me, laddie!
Winks: Miley and Selena got the wrong date for their Church Picnic, so they're eating all the potato salad so...
Old Man: No, I mean about the vampires. Whaddya mean they age?!
Winks: Well... it's like... Pfft... Just because a 120 Year old looks 20, doesn't mean they're not 120 years old. *Sighing* I've tried dating a Vampire before, Nigel. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is to eat at a Sizzler at four in the afternoon with a young woman that insists on using coupons and paying with coins from her very, very old vintage coin purse? I felt like I was on a date with my Grandma!
Old Man: That actually sounds kinda hot, boyo.
Winks: Watching a Vampire shuffle around a salad bar like an 80 year old woman, complaining to the staff when they play any music older than fifty years, slurping on a bowl of clam chowder, cramming oyster crackers into her oversized purse is not hot, Nigel.
Old Man: You've honestly described a scene I'd do with a prostitute if I had the libido and money.
Winks: *Trying to pretend Nigel didn't just say that, watching I Love Miley with a disgusted look on his face*
CowboySteve: Hey, y'all, it's Shoulder to cry on Tuesday. Since it falls on Valentine's Day, figured I'd ask the romantic downsides of your powers. For me, well, ever gal I have sex with telepathically know everything about me. All my fetishes, every messed up thing I did during puberty. EVERYTHING.
WizardWeeWoo: Damn, that sucks! Makes my problem sound like a cake walk! No offense. Anyways, you know how magicians make those fake bouquets of flowers appears? That's my boner. Worst party? My cum is confetti!
SidSid25: WizardWeeWoo, No, yours is waaay worse! Now that I think about it, mine is the cake walk! I have a snake like cloaca!
TimeWarp123: I'm genuinely curious how that works... but I feel like I'd regret it! Uh... fuck, guys, all of those sound awful! Makes mine sound enjoyable. I exists throughout multiple timelines, and I often find myself randomly in the middle of sex. But it's annoying because my partner's body is constantly changing throughout the act! She gets older or younger, slim or chubby, smooth skinned or wrinkled. It's annoying. It's not like I care that I'm sleeping with an old lady, that much, but it's annoying she's young and then old and young and then old over and over and over!
SidSid25: I have a cloaca, TimeWarp123. You think I like having sex? It's awkward! And you're complaining about constantly getting laid?! I fuck like a snake, dude! Like a god damn snake!
WizardWeeWoo: This. This is exactly why Millennials are silently judging our generation! You can fuck always and you're upset chicks get old?! I should've been born in the '90s.
Winks *At his Sister's Nursery Home, sitting in a chair, watching the elderly woman take a nap*: Before the accident, I went camping with a group of friends during spring break... It's hard sometimes remembering what year it was...
*The sounds of a machine beeping at a faster pace get Wink's attention.
Winks: Right now, I'm confident it was 2013. I was in the backseat of a Jeep with a container of Fish Mcbites and a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and When I was your Man by Bruno Mars was being played by a local radio station over and over again.
*The beeps starts to slow down, a Nurse comes in to check on Wink's Sister*
Nurse (25): She's fine, Sir.
*The Nurse shuffles out of the room*
Winks: I'm not even sure if any of that is true anymore. Sometimes, it isn't. Sometimes, I grew up in the '60s, or I grew up in the 1860s, or the 2060s. BCE or CE! It's really annoying cause it's all true. *Sighing*
*Winks pays attention to a humming bird flying outside his Sister's window and lightly smiles*
Winks: I'd like to think of you as Ellie from that timeline. My Half Sister, younger by a year, often referenced by our parents as my fraternal twin, who once spent a spring break ,when I was 16, completely MIA. *Laughing* I was watching SNL with my boyfriend, eating Jack in the Box, listening to One Direction, when you show up in a stolen red and yellow striped poncho, high as a kite, dancing and speaking with a Fake English Accent. You ate all my chicken nuggets a stole a pack of cigarettes, Ellie. God, you were classy!
*The now Middle Aged Nurse pokes her head through the door, knocking quietly on the frame*
Nurse (55): Visiting time will be over soon, Mijo.
Winks: Thank, Ma'am
*Winks grabs a photo of Ellie, sitting atop her dresser, from 1952. It's prom night and her swan like arms are wrapped around a guy that's a dead ringer for Buddy Holly*
Winks: I feel like my powers are a lot like a song being played over and over and over and over! But each time with a small or huge difference. The genre changes, or it's now a cover, or the bridge is completely different. And I don't how much longer I live like this. It's Hell, Ellie.
*The now old nurse gingerly places a hand atop Wink's shoulder*
Winks: When you told me this place had the best wings in town, you forgot to mention it was a Strip Club.
Middle Aged Man (52): Did I, laddie?
Winks *Chewing on his wings as a 75 year old woman, shuffling around with a walker, is pushing a box of yarn to the VIP Room, giving Winks an unnoticed wink on her non paralyzed side of her face*: You're just lucky they're as good as you said, Nigel.
*Nigel laughs as two rotund, middle aged women, wearing black and white lingerie, dance on stage to a Katy Perry Song. California Girls. There potbellies shaking like jelly, their cellulite riddled legs exposed to the stage lights*
Middle Aged Man: This song takes me back. I imagine those birds on stage were 16 when it came out? Good times!
Winks: *Dipping his smoked wing in a container of blue cheese*
*Nigel, looking at Winks with a disgusted face*
Middle Aged Man: How can ya eat that stuff, boyo?!
Winks *Shrugging*: I just do. *Laughing* Seems like in this world, you either like ranch or blue cheese.
Middle Aged Man: Blondes or Brunettes
Middle Aged Man: Arses or Tits.
Winks: Take it down a notch, but I get your point...
Middle Aged Man *Licking his lips at a Busty 50 year old stripper, dressed like a soccer mom, giving an 18 year old a lap dance*: Fannies or Bums!
Winks: Dude, just eat your wings!
*Nigel laughs harder, slamming his hand on the table*
Middle Aged Man: Oi, boyo, ya still going to Magical Academy?
Winks *Sighing*: Yeah.
Middle Aged Man * Making a hand job gesture to a grey haired beehive with cat eye glasses and a red polka dotted, black mini dress riding up her yoga ball sized rear, holding a tray of booze *: I wish ya luck, laddie. Hope things work out for ya!
Winks: Thanks, Nigel.
Middle Aged Man *Watching the same waitress by the men's room, making a come hither gesture with her clunky jewelry infested, plump bingo wing shaking arm*: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna shag a Millennial Gran in the the stalls... hope she doesn't break the toilet!
Winks *Glaring*: You could've just said you had to use the bathroom.
Blonde Stripper (25) *6 months after her first baby, tits leaking but being avoided by Winks, Pouting*: Come on, it's fun! Why come to a Strip Club just for wings?!
Winks *Shrugging*: Cause I didn't know it was a strip club when my friend pitched this place for dinner.
Blonde Stripper (30) *The proud mother of a kindergartener with an ass to match, gleaming with joy*: Oh, you're here with Nigel?
Blonde Stripper (35) *Mother of four, known at the club as Big Mama, chuckling lightly, causing her exposed pot belly to jiggle*: He's such a nice guy! He with Gloria?
Winks: Middle Aged Waitress with cat glasses?
Big Mama (40) *Officially a mother of a high schooler. Hair dyed red, obsessed with Weight Watchers, currently pregnant with a miracle baby, raising a brow*: Middle Aged? Gloria's 21! *Sigh* I was 21 when I started working here. Can't believe that was almost twenty years ago! *Scratching her massive rear with red manicured fingernails* Did you say cat eye glasses?
Big Mama (45) *Proud mother of college students and the cutest kindergartener you'd ever see*: That must be Gloria. She's the only girl with that kinda outdated fashion sense. *giggle* Unless the '60s are back in fashion now, are they?
Big Mama (50) *Currently going through menopause, fanning herself, dating a regular in what is her first long term monogamous relationship in thirty years*: I miss the 2010s *comically flossing, her flabby body jiggling erratically* I bet you don't even know what this dance is called?!
Winks: *Shaking his head*
Big Mama (55) *Officially a grandmother, sighing*: Kids today! Anyways, you sure you don't wanna dance?
Winks *Shaking his head*: Sorry.
Big Granny (60) *Plopping her fat ass on a stool beside Winks. Nigel's stool*: It's fine, I'll just wait for Nigel. *Taking a sip from Nigel's mug* He loves a gal with experience!*Winking at winks*
Grandma Betty (75): What's the weirdest timeline you've experienced?
Winks *Sipping on a hot cup of chocolate with extra foamy cream*: When The Dutch Republic won The Anglo-Dutch Wars.
Grandma Betty (70): What wars?
Winks *Scratching the back of his neck*: The English took over The New Netherlands in this timeline, right? New York? That's what it's called, right?
Grandma Betty (65): *Slowly Nodding*
Winks: Well, that didn't happen in the timeline I'm talking about. The Dutch Republic took control of all British, French, and Spanish Colonies in North and South America.
Grandma Betty (60): Wow.
Winks: This followed with Africa, a lot of Asia, like The Middle East and Southeast Asia, and Australia too. The Dutch Empire was huge! And it did some weird things to Europe.
Grandma Betty (55): Like what?
Winks: Napoleon's France annexed the Iberian and Italian Peninsula, unified and annexed Germany, and became a fascist regime in The 20th Century known as The a Neo Roman Republic. In contrast, a Marxist revolution took place in the British Isles in 1890, becoming The People's Republic of Great Britain and Ireland. Scandinavia, the Baltic, The Balkans, Russia, and The Netherlands were meanwhile forming a Democratic European Union as The Dutch Empire slowly transitioned into The Commonwealth of Nations.
Auntie Betty (50): So much of that is really hard to follow, sweetie.
Winks *Laughing*: And that's literally me in a nutshell. Trying to process which timeline is which! *Sigh* But yeah, beside the headaches of Blue and England being the color and nation people associate with communism. There were some cool things about that timeline too.
Auntie Betty (45): Like what?
Winks: Heidi Klum is the CEO and spokeswoman of a German Beer called Klumz. And it's honestly like the best beer I've ever had.
Auntie Betty (40): Really? What's she like in that timeline?
Winks: Uh... well... plump as a pumpkin, always publicly in pigtails, iconically 65 years old... um... uh... Oh, her love for Bratwurst is legendary.
Betty (35): ... You realize you've been talking about this timeline, right?
Winks: I know now, yes.
Betty (30) *Laughing*: I like how you tried avoiding the whole, Heidi has a BDSM Fetish from me!
Winks: In my defense, you are often an old woman when I'm taking to you and that's weird to mention!
Betty (25): Even though most people, even old ladies, know about that *air quotes* rumor?
Winks *Shrugging*: It's probably just a rumor.
Betty (20): Yeah, and Aubrey Plaza doesn't have a grandma fetish! *laughing*
German Vampire (125, looks 42) : Thanks for watching the show.
Winks: It was fun. Gotta say, you don't act your age.
GV *Laughing*: I can't exactly act like it's Germany in the 40s, can I?
Winks *Shrugs*: It's just... I've been around a lot of vampires that... well, act their age.
GV: Let me guess, 80, 90 years old?
Winks *Nodding*: Usually.
GV: Young Vampires tend to struggle with that.
GV *Laughing*: It's like this, an 80 Year old Vampire, more or less, still has members of their generation walking around. And, yes, they don't look like them, true. But they have, besides vampirism, the same experiences. I don't have any of my piers around anymore. *Sigh.*
Winks: That kinda makes sense.
GV: It's generally how it goes. Give your friend twenty, thirty years, they'll eventually have to adapt with the times. Took me awhile, but I really like bands like David Bowie, Arcade Fire, Of Monsters and Men, and Bon Iver.
Winks: Not exactly the best examples of keeping current.
GV: Says the guy who went to an early bird buffet at 4 in the afternoon?
JackpotMans: Bracket has been updated!
Feb 2, 2021 0:55:05 GMT -6
MeanMark: Would anyone be interested in contributing to a "FaceApp Creations" thread? Basically a place to share your face-agings of either celebs or people you know.
Feb 3, 2021 12:49:27 GMT -6
JackpotMans: If you are a part of round 2 of the AP Tournament, please check your messages! I would prefer to talk over discord if you use it, but I don't mind conversing here.
Feb 4, 2021 11:53:39 GMT -6
unknown: Is there some Italian?
Feb 11, 2021 14:55:40 GMT -6
unknown: discord.gg/3EvqCxvfsn I created this server in Italian about all kind of transformation in Italian language. But there isn't anyone in old age progression.
Feb 11, 2021 15:01:41 GMT -6
JackpotMans: AP Tournament has been updated! Check out the updates!
Feb 19, 2021 18:01:22 GMT -6
MeanMark: Just started an intractables thread -- join the FaceApp fun!
Feb 23, 2021 10:38:17 GMT -6
JackpotMans: Voting for round 2 will close tomorrow!
Feb 23, 2021 11:37:55 GMT -6
MeanMark: Two-fer Tuesday in the FaceApp thread!
Mar 9, 2021 15:13:46 GMT -6
MeanMark: If you're a fan of age swapping, today's post is for you (kinda)
Mar 18, 2021 13:33:13 GMT -6
kappa: More like age transfer? I get what you mean though. ❤️ It!
Mar 18, 2021 14:31:45 GMT -6
MeanMark: Has anyone else been using the Tapatalk app to access the boards on their phone? This site is suddenly gone from that app.
Mar 19, 2021 7:32:01 GMT -6
MeanMark: The forums are back on the Tapatalk app — weird!
Mar 21, 2021 11:36:43 GMT -6
JackpotMans: The final match for the AP tournament is up! Voting goes live tomorrow!
Apr 1, 2021 20:55:19 GMT -6
kappa: As a TG Fan, I've come across a lot of Great Shift stories, comics, and captions. Feel like this would be a fun AP theme. Have seen AP TG Great Shift Captions though, which definitely supports my thoughts on this cause those are awesome.
Apr 19, 2021 10:05:11 GMT -6
kappa: Y'all might enjoy Jupiter's Legacy. It also might bum ya out how youthful a woman 100+ looks. 🤣
May 7, 2021 13:55:29 GMT -6
kappa: R.I.P Paul Mooney ❤️
May 19, 2021 21:41:16 GMT -6
kappa: Episode 2 of Modok had an interesting AP scene in the end ❤️
May 26, 2021 10:09:28 GMT -6
kappa: Just watched the trailer to the new Space Jam movie. Candi Milo plays granny and her bits are awesome. "I'm gonna go old school on his butt!" Followed by break dancing with a walker. Also, SHE DRINKS A MARTINI.
Jun 8, 2021 9:52:26 GMT -6
kappa: i feel like they genuinely made this film for an older audience 🤣
Jun 8, 2021 9:52:42 GMT -6