Kappa
Elder Member
Got ideas for the AP Remote? Feel free to let me know! 😘
Posts: 704
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Post by Kappa on Mar 3, 2024 22:06:41 GMT -6
A Young man, wearing a blue t-shirt with red pants, sits on a couch with a bucket of buttery popcorn on his lap, brow raised at a very strange commercial:
"Hey, y'all! Are you and yer youngins hungry fer sum chickin???" A rotund 70 year old woman, big, round belly wrapped in a pink apron, grey hair in a feathery bob, smiles brightly, her dentures sparkling white, joules jiggling as she raises up her ham-like arms.
"Then come on down to Swift Chickin! Shake off the weekday blahs with sum finger lickin good chickin! I don't know about you, but I want sum honey cornbread, too!!!"
The commercial fades out to to a family of four, sitting inside a restaurant in a booth, happily eating a bucket of fried chicken with a caricature of the aged and fattened Taylor Swift happily smiling with a playful wink.
"Swift Fried Chickin..." Taylor reappears in front of the counter, a young and slender cashier faking a smile from behind. "Taste yer Meemaw with every single bite!"
The young man blinks erratically , his phone out, searching for "KFC" on his maps. When he types in "Swift Fried Chicken", he gets loads of results as well as an add for the new Western Bacon Swift Burger.
"... That looks pretty good... I don't know what the fuck is going on... but this kinda feels like an improvement!" The young man laughs.
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Kappa
Elder Member
Got ideas for the AP Remote? Feel free to let me know! 😘
Posts: 704
|
Post by Kappa on Mar 4, 2024 0:01:22 GMT -6
A Young man, wearing a blue t-shirt with red pants, sits on a couch with a bucket of Swift Fried Chicken on his lap, brow once again raised at a very strange commercial:
"Hola, mijos!" A pear shaped Latina in her late sixties appears on screen. Wide hips in a pair of black sweat pants, her spongy arms with puckered elbows are wrapped in red ruffles with an embroidery that gives a Latin American aesthetic emphasized by a mariachi band in the background. "Are you hungry for some tacos?!"
"Yay!!" Children cheer as generic mariachi music plays in the background.
"At Taco Gomez, we care about quality." A disembodied voice assures as the aged Selena Gomez dances with a group of younger women, all dressed colorful in traditional dance attired, outside of her restaurant at what appears to be a huge celebration.
"Whether it's our crunchy shell tacos, our gooey, cheesy quesadillas, or our meaty burritos, every bite tastes like it was made fresh by your abuelita herself..."
"Granny Selena!!!" The children shout with joy as Selena smiles, emphasizing the laugh lines around her thinned lips. Her rounded face the epitome of a sweet, cookie baking grandma!
"Come on in, mijos! I've got more than enough!" Selena assures.
The young man sighs, once again looking up a restaurant he swore didn't exist a second ago!
"Should I have tacos for dinner or head to the ER? There-there has to be something wrong with me!!!"
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Kappa
Elder Member
Got ideas for the AP Remote? Feel free to let me know! 😘
Posts: 704
|
Post by Kappa on Mar 4, 2024 10:08:25 GMT -6
A Young man, still wearing a blue t-shirt with red pants, sits on a couch with a spicy chicken quesadilla from Taco Gomez on his lap, eyes widened at the strangest commercial yet:
"My family has been making ponchik (doughnuts) for generations." A middle aged Armenian woman comments with an accent as thick as her figure, dressed rather trashy for her age in a white top, matronly chest massive, with a matching skirt, her pear shaped figure highlighted by a gigantic pot belly with a rear twice the size, her wrinkled skin tanned like leather, her jet black hair shoulder length with streaks of grey.
"And at Kim Horton's, we keep that tradition alive!"
The young man is at a loss for words. The entire Kardashian family downgraded, aged, and fattened, working at a doughnut shop, admittedly, with absolutely amazing pastries that tantalize the eyes!
"This month only..." Kim raises an age spotted sausage finger, causing her bingo wings to jiggle and clunky, tacky bracelet to click and clack. "Buy five doughnuts, get one free!"
"What a cheapskate!"
The young man laughs, googling the nearest Kim Hortons, curious at the "little kimmies", an ironic name considering the woman they're named after are far from little!
"Why is reality doing this, though? And why is it better this way?!"
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