Jack: "Okay let's check in with our girls... or should I say
ladies now!"
Cut to recorded footage from Day 1:
Jack: "Here's Alana on Day 1, hot young and curvy as all hell! And here's how she looked yesterday:"
Footage from day 2 play:
Jack: "A bit more junk in the trunk and all around! Let's see how she's looking at age 45, this morning!"
Cut to: The back patio of the house where a middle-aged woman with a gut and jiggling forearms is struggling to to a Warriors Pose on her yoga mat. Pools of sweat are dripping off her as the pudgy woman pants. She is dressed in a skimpy yoga outfit that clings to her body like the skin of a sausage and shows off her big puffy belly that jiggles with every movement. She takes a deep breath and attempts to lift her right knee into the air with her hands clasped together. She wobbles on her thicc left leg as the cellulite in her thighs ripples. She stumbles, her big droopy breasts flop as she steadies herself and tries again.
Alana: "Oof! I don't know if its the heat or the hangover but i'm struggling today! Usually I can whip through my morning yoga no sweat but today i'm seriously draggin' ass!"
Jack: *To the camera* "Your ass is dragging alright!"
Cut to: Alana, dressed and showered in the confessional room.
Alana: "Hi! I'm Alana, i'm 25-year-old and i've been a plus sized model for about 6 years now. I started in college, I just would see ads and women on TV talking about the perfect body and think 'well there's not just ONE body'. So I guess I came on the show to spread the message of loving your body no matter what your shape is and that being healthy and fit can mean a lot of different things. I noticed that i'm the youngest of all the cast mates which I think is kind of fun! The other women all appear to be in their 40s and thats a delicate time to be a woman. Your metabolisms gone and its usually the start of menopause so you see a lot of women in that age group suddenly packing on the pounds! So I hope I set a good example to all these middle-aged ladies that you can be curvy and sexy and healthy all at the same time! I can lead all these MILFs in some group workouts!" *Laughs*
Cut to: Jack entering the house.
Jack: *To the camera* "Woo! She's going to be spending the whole day wondering where all her youthful energy and stamina are! - 20 years in the past unfortunately!... Okay let's just in with our next lovely lady, the sexy Texan Kaitlyn! Here she was on day 1!"
Footage of Kaitlyn from Day 1:
Jack: *Biting his knuckle* "Ooo what a gorgeous coed hottie! Now here she was yesterday:"
Footage of Kaitlyn from day 2:
Jack: "A little less spunky and a little more sultry and now let's see how our gal's doing today..."
The camera pans into the kitchen where a middle-aged woman with dirty blonde hair and a cowboy hat is cooking up a country breakfast. She is standing in nothing but panties and a Texas Ranger's baseball tee that hugs her a bit snugly and doesn't quite cover her wider ass. Her thighs are showing some light cellulite and her bare legs and feet have slight veins showing.
Kaitlyn: "Hey there handsome! Hope you're hungry! I like the keep my ranch hands well fed and why should this house be any different!... Sorry for flashin' a little leg at ya sweetheart but they told me this is what I had to wear and it just doesn't quite cover my big fat ass!" *Laughs as she tries to pull the shirt and panties down over her exposed cheek* "I guess they thought since i'm skinny up top i'd be skinny on the bottom but that just ain't how the good lord made me!" *Laughs some more*
Cut to: Kaitlyn now dressed in jeans and a tank top that fit her. Sitting in the chair in the confessional room.
Kaitlyn: "Howdy! I'm Kaitlyn, a 42-year-old happily divorced ranch owner from the great state a' Texas! I made got a bit of wear and tear around my edges but my wild streak hasn't dimmed. I can put 'em up and thrown 'em down with girls half my age! And as the sayin' goes - if it can get on all fours, I know how to ride it!... Now what were you all thinkin' tossin a bunch of lonely, thirsty women of a certain age in a house together with not a man our age in sight? I suppose we'll just have to make due with that pretty-boy host now won't we? Yee-Haw!"
Cut to: Jack in the kitchen with Kaitlyn. She is moving in to give him a hug with tongs and spatula still in hand.
Kaitlyn: "Let me just give you a big 'hello hug' like we do 'em back home!"
Jack: "Ah okay... watch it, don't want to get the suit greasy..."
Kaitlyn: "Mmmm you got a bit a muscle under that scrawny frame a your huh? I bet if you ate more you'd show it! C'mon now sit a spell and have some home cookin'!"
Jack: *Sighs* "Okay... Preston it's over to you."
Cut to: Preston at the foot of the stairs.
Preston: "Oh- well I guess we're onto Haley now... geez I hate walking in on her naked every day... not because she's getting older and older just because it's embarrassing, you know? But uh well I guess it's just part of the show... So uh this is what Haley looked like on day 1..."
Footage of Haley from Day 1:
Preston: "Sort of uh hot geeky punk? Is that punk? She has like tattoos and piercings and dyed hair and stuff... anyway here she is yesterday..."
Footage of Haley on Day 2:
Preston: "Sooo beautiful and cool and sophisticated... I slept with her! I mean uh... we slept together! In a threesome! With Jennifer! Oh uh you probably already know that... So.... let's see what she looks like today..."
He pushes the door open to reveal a naked 40-year-old woman with blonde hair dyed pink and blue laying on top of her sheets. Her droopier boobs are rising and falling with each breath and her nipple stud on her right breast is sparkling along with her belly button piercing sticking out from her softer flabbier tummy. Her face his beginning to crinkle with crows feet and lines on her forhead and neck. Her tattoos look a bit faded and distorted from dryer skin and cellulite.
Preston swallows hard at the sight of the naked older woman and she stirs awake, she blinks and notices him and screams, then looks down at her completely nude body and screams harder pulling her sheet up to cover herself. Preston blushes and covers his eyes.
Preston: "SORRY! SORRY!"
Haley: "What are you doing in here? Where are my clothes?"
Preston: "I'm so sorry! I was told to wake you up!"
Haley: *Groaning as she climbs out of bed tucking the sheet around her like a toga.* "Ugh no it's my fault. I can't believe I went to bed in a strange house without a stitch on! What was I thinking?"
Preston: "Maybe you were sewing some wild oats!"
Haley: *Chuckles and smiles at him* "Yeah... let's go with that... sorry you had to get an eyeful of middle-aged lady bit..."
Preston: "Oh no I liked it... er I mean... you look really young! Or uh... I didn't see anything!"
Haley: *Laughing* "Aw you're sweet! But I have a daughter that's practically your age!"
Cut to: Haley now dressed in jeans and a retro nintendo t-shirt. She looks like the 'cool mom' at the PTA meeting.
Haley: "Hey guys, i'm Haley. I'm a 40-year-old pop culture and video game reviewer for a well-know entertainment magazine... I've been a big time geek and lover of comics and video games since I was a girl growing up in the 90s and I passed those passions on to my 18-year-old daughter Cammy who just graduated high school this past spring and is going to UC Irvine in the fall to study programming! I'm so proud of her!... We're not as close as we were when she was a little kid... we use to have so much fun wearing matching or thematic costumes together and going to cons etc. but then she grew up and discovered 'boys' and 'wanting to be popular' and I guess having your mom around, even if i'm a
young cool mom was too embarrassing for a teenager... so she's living with my ex now... But here I am! Ready to have fun! Meet new people! Get it on like Donkey Kong because 40 is totally the new 20 - amiright?"
Cut to: Preston outside of Haley's room.
Preston: "Woo I feel really bad for Haley... I can't imagine anyone being embarrassed by her... she's so cool and smoking hot!"
Producer: *Off camera to Preston* "The daughter's not real."
Preston: "Oh I know that their kids are just false memories from the mental aging but... it's still sad that she doesn't get along with her imaginary daughter!... Anyway let's check in with Gabby next I guess... So this was her on day 1..."
Footage of Gabby on day 1:
Preston: "She's like uh a cute perky artsy kid. Or the kind of girl you might see at a rave... not that I've ever been to a rave before... and uh here she is yesterday..."
Footage of Gabby on Day 2:
Preston: "Here she's a young artist who had just had a baby which was kind of interesting... So I guess let's see what she's like today..."
Cut to: The kitchen where Kaitlyn is feeding Jack. A middle-aged latina woman with short hair stumbles in like a zombie, bleary eyes and yawning, rubbing her back.
Gabby: "Oof! I think I overslept! My little dude Xander normally wakes me up so I can drive him to school... Oh nice breakfast."
She sits down and begins to fix a plate.
Kaitlyn: "Help yourself, there's plenty."
Gabby: "Woof, i'm going to blow way past my cholesteral intake for the day with this meal." *Laughs loudly*
Kaitlyn: "Your son wakes you up every morning?"
Gabby: "Better than an alarm clock! Kids eleven and he's most responsible then most adults I know! He usually let's me sleep in a bit though because he knows mommy does her best work between the hours of like 2am and 4am."
Kaitlyn: "Woo-ee! Quite a night owl! I haven't been able to stay awake that late since Clinton left office!"
Gabby: "Ha well, I bounce back in the mornings a lot easier in my 20s - now it takes a lot of coffee to get this gal bright eyed and bushy tailed! Speaking of which -"
Kaitlyn: "I got a pot on, don't worry yourself now!"
Cut to: Gabby dressed in artsy clothes and make-up sitting in the confessional room looking more alert. When she smiles you can see all the new lines on her older face.
Gabby: "Well hello! I'm Gabby, i'm a 40-year-old visual artist from southern California. I'm kind of a jack of all trades, I have a thriving etsy business, I teach pottery at the senior center on weekend, a lot of my gal pals have been paying me under the table lately to do interior design work... and i'm a notary! You know, whatever it takes to keep my kid in a decent school district and a roof over our head, good food on the table yadda yadda. I consider myself first and foremost and artist though. I cut my teeth on the boardwalk art scene in San Diego back in the late 90s learning from all the great body art masters like Cinco Rivera and Joof Truman and Shaggy Robarts... basically name a male artist who was living on the beaches in SoCal around the turn of the millennia and you've named someone who has smeared paint on my bare breasts... I'm looking forward to this experience. I think it's going to be nuts! A bunch of 40-something women with a shit ton of wine and no rules? Look out America!" *Laughs*.
Cut to: Jack finishing his breakfast.
Jack: "Well next we would be checking in with Jennifer... but she's not in the pool as you can see..."
Camera pans out the glass doors to show an empty pool and Alana still struggling through her yoga on the back deck.
Jack: "So we'll get back to her... let's see how Molly is doing! Here's how she looked on our first day..."
Footage of Molly from Day 1:
Jack: "Cute and perky as a little kitten, though she would hate the comparison because she has a strong dislike of cats! Here she is on day 2..."
Footage of Molly from Day 2:
Jack: *Confused* "No that's day one isn't it? It's day two!? She looks exactly the same... Well she's going from 21 to 31 so you'd think there would be a difference! If I held up a picture of myself at 21 next to a picture of myself at 31 I can promise you you'd be able to spot some changes!... Okay anyway, another 10 years let's see how she's holding up..."
Jack opens the door to Molly's room to see the woman sitting in pajamas cross legged on the bed looking at Myrtle who is staring back at her. She looks exactly the same.
Jack: *To the camera* "Unbelievable. Are we just missing her everynight? What's going on here?"
He walks into the room.
Jack: "Hi Molly hows it going today?"
Molly folds her hands lady-like in her lap.
Molly: "This African Spurred Tortoise claims that she knows me but I have never met her before."
Jack: "Oh that's not tr- um, this is Myrtle the Turtle. You two are friends."
Molly: "She's not a turtle. She's a tortoise."
Jack: "Right er... she's just called that."
Molly sizes Myrtle up.
Molly: "You are a very silly girl aren't you? I feel I have a lot to learn from your care-free attitude. We shall shake hands and go forward as equals."
She reaches out and shakes Myrtles claw. The tortoise lets out a little sigh and bows her head.
Jack: "Okay well that's good. Things would just be weird around here if Molly and Myrtle weren't friends...."
He turns to the camera, whispering.
Jack: "Make note to have our team implant memories of Myrtle into Molly's aged mind from here on out. In future days she should always believe that the tortoise is her companion that she's had since her early 20s."
Molly holds the tortoise up to her ear as if the creature is whispering something. Molly belts out a laugh.
Molly: "Ah how droll! I enjoy your sharp wit Myrtle!"
Cut to: Molly sitting very prim and proper in the chair in the confessional room dressed conservatively, holding Myrtle on her lap.
Molly: "Hello. My name is Molly. I am a 41-year-old director of the international non-profit Animal Democracy... because the creatures of this world shouldn't be subjected to the failed systems of a monarchical kingdom. They should be able to enjoy the freedoms and liberties of a democracy! I don't see the furry or scaly or feathery members of our society as beneath me. I see them as contributing members of this society with voices that not everyone can understand. Take myrtle here. She's at least twice my age but because she doesn't speak in any human language should we just disregard all of her life experience and wisdom? Of course not!"
She leans her head down to listen to the tortoise.
Molly: "What's that Myrtle? You could have sworn I was only 21 the other day?Oh you charmer!"
Cut to: Jack outside Molly's room.
Jack: *Deep breath* "Yeah I don't know what to make of any of that... Let's see how our 'youngest' cast member is doing now that she's nearly 40. Here she was on day one..."
Footage of Brooklyn on Day 1:
Jack: "Ah there she is in all of her teenage glory... now on day 2 with the mind of an 18 year old she was like..."
Footage of Brooklyn from Day 2:
Jack: "She lost the baby fat and gained some SERIOUS womanly curves. But now here she, her teens and 20s and most of her 30s in the rearview mirror both mentally and physically let's see what she's like..."
Jack hears Missy Elliot playing from Brooklyn's room. He opens the door to see an beautiful tan-skinned woman trying to fight off any signs of aging in front of the mirror. She dabbing something on the bags under her eyes with a finger while examining her softer jaw line with the other hand. She grimaces and applies some lipstick to her slightly less plump lips and smacks them in the mirror and then taps on her iphone with a long manicured finger.
Brooklyn: *To the person on the phone* "Hey gurl! I need you to get on the horn to my daughters tutor about her test scores. They were like way lower than what we're paying him for... My daughter? Vanity? Yes of course I have a daughter! Are you drunk? Well how could you forget my sweet precious angel!... No this is not a joke! Oh also she wants Migos to perform at the party I told her she could have for her little friends at the house this weekend so like can you call their booking agency or whatever and just like make that happen? Migos? I don't know they're some rap group or something? How should I know?... How old is Vanity? God did you hit your head and get amnesia? She's 13! ... I don't see how that's so funny. Listen I need you to do this pronto because i'm filming this show and I swear to god if I come home to Vanity throwing another tantrum because she didn't get some stupid rapper at her big party... well it's just not going to be pretty okay? Last month when I got her the wrong style shoes that she wanted she was inconsolable until my husband bought her a new car - and she's not even old enough to drive!... Yes this is Brooklyn!... What do you mean I sound funny? This is so not a joke! Hello? Helloooooo!" *Turns to Jack* "I think she hung up on me. God, you can't find good personal assistants anymore these days..."
Jack: *Smirking* "Oh I know..."
Brooklyn applies some blush to her cheeks and concealer to the lines of her forehead.
Brooklyn: "I'm just trying to be a good mom to my daughter!.... what do you think about this lipstick... is it a good shade on me?"
She puckers her lips at Jack seductively and winks.
Cut to: Brooklyn all done up in a nice dress and make-up vamping at the camera like a Real Housewife.
Brooklyn: "Hello! I'm Brooklyn, i'm a 38-year-old socialite from sunny California. I have a beaaaaauuuuuutiful 13-year-old daughter named Vanity who is totally going to be a heart-breaker in a few years and my husband - well who cares about him! I said I needed a break and our marriage counselor agreed so here I am! I honestly thought this show was going to have a more 'young' skewing cast... I don't really 'see' myself in the 35 - 45 demographic. I mean, I regularly update my instagram account! I use snapchat! My mommy blog was rated 'sexiest site on the internet to read about packing nutritious school lunches!' So we'll see how this goes, I just hope these other ladies can keep up with me!"
Cut to: Brooklyn putting the finishing touches on her make-up. She makes a pouty face and holds her phone up to take a selfie.
Brooklyn: "What do you think? Do I look 'On Fleek' as my daughter might say?"
Jack: "Oh totally... want to post a vid on tik tok?"
Brooklyn: *Blushing* "Oh god Vanity uses that all the time... *Realizing that makes her sound old* "I mean... I use it too of course... I just don't prance around doing silly dances in a bikini on it like she does... so I suppose posting a quick video wouldn't hurt..."
She makes some sexy poses and winks at the camera while Jack takes the video. He hands the phone back to Brooklyn who hesitates trying to remember how to post the video. She does after a minute and then smiles flirtatiously at Jack as comments begin blipping up on the video. The first of which reads: "Woah!!! WHOSE THE HOT MILF THAT JACKED BROOKLYN'S ACCOUNT!?"
Brooklyn: "Can I ask you a question?"
Jack: "Oh boy, here it comes. Sure! Go for it."
Brooklyn: "How old are you?"
Jack: "How old do you think I am?"
Brooklyn: "You've got a baby face so it's hard to tell..."
Jack: "I'm 32..."
Brooklyn: *Excitedly* "Oh! So we're practically the same age. I tend to go for older men but..."
Jack: "Didn't you just say you were married?"
Brooklyn: "We're on a break... Unless that turns you on... the idea of having an affair... A lot of guys like the idea of a sexy young mistress..."
Jack: "Oh fantastic."
Brooklyn curls her manicured finger beckoning him over to her.
Brooklyn: "Come here, I want to tell you a secret..."
Jack leans in to Brooklyn who slips and arm over his shoulders and moves in very close, nibbling his earlobe and giving a feral growl like a cougar in heat. She then whispers something to him that the cameras don't catch but causes Jack to roll his eyes and grin.
Jack: "Oh just you sit tight."
He gets up and pulls Brooklyn off of him causing the Milf to pout and cross her arms.
Jack: "But right now we have one finally lady to check in on!"
WHEN JENNIFER WAKES UP AND SEES HERSELF 20 YEARS OLDER DOES SHE:
- Freak out and panic over her stolen youth
- Assume she's on drugs and hallucinating
- Think she's fallen asleep like rip van winkle and woken up 20-years-in-the-future
- Feint and not wake up until they are opening the costume boxes.